So, let's be honest...this is a continuation of my previous post about marriage life, but I haven't gotten through telling you about the wedding day...so I'm gonna keep talking about that perfect day until I'm done and then I'll really catch you up to speed on how our marriage is going since.
Those flutters in my chest that I was telling you about? Yeah. They didn't go away. The girls and I got to the church behind our wedding gazebo and I was so nervous that Adam would catch a glimpse of me across the park. I was so anxious to see him. I was so excited to be his wife. We took pictures together, being goofy and having some light hearted moments together before the ceremony.
The moments drew closer to the time when I would get to see my soon-to-be husband. We did some last minute hair fixes, make-up touch ups, and (let's be real here) a bathroom break (nobody wants to be at the altar thinking about how they should have gone before they got up there).
My aunts were in the room with us and my two Beautiful flower girls taking pictures and reminiscing about old times. Maybe even a few tears were shed. These are women who grew up babysitting me, after all, and here I am getting married and having their babies in MY wedding. I have never been more unexplainably excited in my entire life. There are not words enough to explain how I felt in those few moments before meeting my husband at the altar.
Whew. Honestly, just thinking about all of this is getting my heart going again.
Pictures before the wedding were done. Decorations were in place. Guests had arrived and were being seated. My heart was racing. Breathing became weirdly difficult. It was slightly cool outside which was perfect because the flurry of emotions that I was feeling (all good) were likely to make me pass out before I could even walk down the aisle.
Seriously though. If I keep re-living this, I'm bound to pass out because my heart is racing and my breathing is becoming more short just thinking about that climactic moment.
I was hidden from the view of everyone. I could hear people. Even see them around the corner when I peeked. My Uncle Landon rounded the corner (much to my surprise!) and I was overjoyed that he was able to come to this incredible day! I knew he should not have been able to make it, but he was here! Oh, my heart! It was like a piece of my Dad was with me, even though he couldn't be.
Riley Welch rounded the corner next with a love letter from my splendid man.
"Trying to make me cry before the wedding, eh? Well, you got me. Darn, you perfect husband, knowing how to sweet talk me and make me tear up. You know I don't wear make-up, how do I keep this from smearing?!"
My girls were with me, and then suddenly, so was my Dad. Mark came around the corner and I got to tell him how nervous I was getting. How thankful I was that I didn't have to walk down that aisle all by myself. Begging him to keep me upright and not let me fall down or slip up and embarrass myself. His words of comfort will always be a treasure to me.
"I'm getting so nervous!"
"Why? Haha, This is the moment you have been waiting for, for years, Jenna."
"I know!"
*Breathe. Just breathe. Just one breath at a time. Oh. My. Gosh. Is it starting?! Are people walking down the aisle yet? It's just been Mark and I for a while now...oh my gosh, is it our turn to walk down now? Woah. That came so fast!! Did you know it was going so fast?! You did! And you didn't tell me?! Whew. That was probably the best choice, I am so nervous! I am so excited!!!! Everyone is going to be looking at me! Thank God, you're walking with me. Whew. I think I might pass out. I'm not going to pass out. I'm going to marry Adam Lang if it's the last thing I do. Oh! We're walking now? Like right now? Oh my goodness. I'm going to throw up I'm so excited. What? That's disgusting. I'm not going to do that. But my body feels so weird and unlike it's ever felt before. Get it together, Reynolds. (Soon to be Lang). Oh yeah! I'm gonna be Jenna Lang in like 5 minutes. Oh yeah, Breathe!*
Oh. My. Goodness. What is life that Jenna Reynolds is getting married? I know, I thought the same thing. I'm only like 10 right? I'm not adult enough to be married. Right?! Oh. Yes, I am! :)
The walk from where I was to where he stood was so long, but if I'm being perfectly honest...I remember almost none of it. I told Adam not to look until Pastor Tom gave him the go ahead when we were close enough to each other that I could see him too.
I got to end of those chairs and saw my best friend turn and look at me.
What a moment.
All the nervousness.
All the fear.
All the heart palpitations.
All the shortness of breath.
All the stress of the day.
All the desiring to look and be perfect for him.
They were gone in an instant.
I saw Adam Lang standing at the end of that aisle, and I knew.
I knew this was the man God created for me.
I knew that this was the man that I wanted by my side as long as we both shall live.
I knew that this man was more capable than any other person on this planet to grow me, shape me, and sharpen me into the woman of God that God has created me to be.
I knew that there was no other man on this planet who I could submit to.
I knew that there was no one I would rather have as the father of my children.
As the leader of our home.
As the one who will give an account to God on behalf of our family.
As my best friend.
As my husband.
Any worry or fear or anxious thought disappeared.
And I walked to him.
Arm in arm with the man who raised me.
I walked to him.
With the biggest, goofiest grin on my face as he smiled lovingly back at me.
I walked to him.
I didn't even see the many people who had come to support us.
I walked to him.
And it was like no one in the world existed, but him.
My heart was overflowing with peace, joy, and sheer bliss.
My Dad blessed my marriage. Something I so deeply longed for. He gave me away to a man that he believed would take care of me and protect me like he had. He did it with tears in his eyes. And when I saw him give me away. When he put my hands in Adam's, I'm surprised I didn't lose it myself.
The tears came. God must love me because they came, but in the most feminine and Beautiful way that they could. I didn't ugly cry...thank you, Jesus. But I could not get those tears to stop. One by one, they made their way down my face as I looked into the eyes of my best friend. Seeing Joshua in the background was a great encouragement to me as well. Few saw my tears that day, but those who did are ones that I deeply respect and treasure and they are ones who encouraged me without words and strengthened me in that moment.
The tears had to stop when I started getting a runny nose.
No sirrie.
Not today.
But I gotta tell you, it wasn't easy to stop those tears. Tears of joy don't come to me often. But the time that I can point to with certainty was the day Adam asked me to be his. And the day he fulfilled that promise by making a covenant with me to love me forever. Those are days that are more filled with joy than any others that I can imagine.
I know that many say that your wedding day moves ever so quickly, so I was sure to slow down and be totally present. I remember everything like it was yesterday (pretty near it, just 4 months) but it is Beautiful in my mind and there is nothing I would change about that day (after arriving at the park at least, I would change my attitude and weird lashing out at my closest family before the ceremony)
Before we locked in our decision to say our vows as the church typically does, I wanted to make our own vows. I wanted ours to be special. Unique. But after taking Church History class as a senior, it was brought to my attention that tradition is in place for a reason. The stereotypical vows should not be dismissed because they are boring and old. They should be examined, understood, and if then found wanting updated or replaced if we so choose. However, when I looked at what those vows of covenant said, I realized that those words carry so much weight.
"I take you."
And only you. Jenna Reynolds. Adam Lang. For all of my days. This phrase, "I take you," is not one to be taken lightly. It is a symbol of your commitment to that individual. You CHOOSE that person. And not just for that one, magical day either.
I take you, Adam Lang. Today.
I take you, Adam Lang. Tomorrow.
I take you, Adam Lang. Everyday.
"To be my lawfully wedded husband (wife)."
In the eyes of the government. In the eyes of God. We are lawfully one. We will spend our days together. We will be married to no other. This is a blessed and holy matrimony. My one. My only. My supporter. My protector. My counselor. My best friend. The one who I will become one with.
"To have and to hold."
This means that I will only find my comfort in you. I won't go running to my parents for their wisdom and comfort before I come to you. I won't put our children in the place that is sacred and holy and meant only for you. I take you to be the one who I have as my own. I take you as the one that I will hold all through my life. I take you as the one who I will share the ultimate level of intimacy with. No one else can or will ever be as close to me as you. And no one else can or ever will be as close to you as I.
"From this day forward."
No matter what past we have come from. Be it brokenness. Adultery. Fornication. Fear. Anger. Joy. Peace. Faithfulness. Trustworthiness. No matter where you come from, from here on out, you go with him. The past is the past. We move forward together. We move forward as one. And, as the wife, I will trust and follow the leading of my husband. He is the one accountable to God for himself, for me, and for our family, and I will be happy to submit to him because I know the depths of his being and I know that he can be trusted to lead us well.
"For better or for worse."
That means, like you dreamed for as long as you can remember, when you ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after being ever bettered by your new spouse. But it also means that if everything goes to pot, he wasn't quite the gem you'd hoped he was after 3 years of dating, he's lazy and unhelpful, selfish, rude, ugly, and mean, you're sticking with him.
"For richer AND for poorer."
That means when you have all that you need, a nice house, nice clothes, and good food for every meal. But it also means that if you get robbed blind, have your identity stolen, lose your job and cannot find another, and never financially recover or "make it," you are sticking with them.
"In sickness AND in health."
That means when times are good and we have all the health in the world. But it also means that if, 3 minutes after you say "I do" and sign that marriage license, your spouse discovers that they have an incurable cancer, they go into a coma for the next 30 years, or they have an accident on the way to the reception and are mentally handicapped for the rest of their life, you are sticking with them.
"Til death do us part." Or "As long as we both shall live."
This is a life long commitment one is entering into. This means I won't run away when things get scary. When old fears enter in. I'm sticking with you. When anger takes hold. I'm sticking with you. When the money runs out. When sickness strikes. When death takes it toll. I'm sticking with you. When I don't feel like sticking with you. I'm sticking with you. When I feel like giving up. I'm sticking with you. Nothing. NOTHING. Can tear me apart from you. I won't let it. I'm sticking with you, Adam Lang. Period. You weren't getting rid of me when I was a ridiculous and broken 17 year old, even though they all said high school sweethearts never last. You weren't getting rid of me when I went off to college, even though everyone said long distance never works. You weren't getting rid of me when you went to a college 7 hours from me, even when all the high school sweetheart, long distance relationships were falling down around us. You weren't getting rid of me when you spent a summer in New York church planting. You weren't getting rid of me when I spent 2 months in Jamaica loving on orphans. And you sure as heck aren't getting rid of me now. No matter what we've been through, what we are going through, and where our future leads. I'm sticking with you, Adam Lang. And I know you're sticking with me. Even when I told you again and again that we would never be a thing, you remained faithful to me. How much more can I trust your words now, after 7 years?
This marriage that we (and maybe you) are entering into is not a simple thing. You are entering into a covenant relationship with someone else for the rest of your days. With divorce rates being incredibly high, I know there are some of you who are waiting for the other foot to drop in my marriage and probably in every marriage that you see around you.
Adam and I don't think we are perfect. Well...I think He's perfect. And he think's I'm perfect. But we don't have any false perceptions of who we are personally.
I am a wretched human being. On my own, without Christ, I am nasty. Ugly. Unloveable. Irredeemable. Selfish. Mean. Hurt. Angry. Bitter. Resentful. Judgmental. Vain. Rude. Sarcastic. Impatient. Fearful. Wicked.
Without Christ, my marriage with Adam would be destined to fail. A relationship, a life, not centered on Christ is one that is bound to let you down.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying becoming a Christian makes your life a cake-walk. Christ calls His people to come and die. He calls us to carry the cross that He carried. He doesn't tell us that life would be easy. But with Him, I promise you, it's worth it.
Living a life as THE Mrs. Adam Lang has been Beautiful. More Beautiful than anything I could ever have imagined. Being THE Mrs. Adam Lang has been incredibly fulfilling, satisfying, wonderful, and greater than my wildest dreams. And trust me, I imagined it would be perfect. It's better than that. It's messy. It's emotional. It's fantastic. It's up's and down's. Perfect communication. Miscommunication. Walking closer to Christ together. Deepening our own faith and the faith of the other. It's Beautiful. And it's a Beautiful life. All of the little imperfections simply add to the joy and Beauty of it all, as we see Christ made more perfect in one another and in ourselves. I couldn't have asked for a better love story. And you know what the crazy thing is? Christ loves us more than we could ever fathom loving one another. I don't get it. I love Adam more than I ever imagined one person could love another. And he loves me more than he ever imagined one person could love another. And it's just a grain of sand compared to the love of the Father. Praise God for that. I know the love of God more perfectly because of my husband. I know the love of God more deeply because of Adam. And I pray that Adam and I can be a light for Christ all the days of our life.
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