Satan Sucks

     Today, I was able to get a lot of time talking to God. Out loud. In my car. Where no one could interrupt me or think I was crazy by talking out loud and not getting a response. Best place to have intimate God talks (for me at least). Something that I have been learning a lot this summer is that Satan has a way of knowing what gets under our skin. He knows what will get us fired up. He knows what will ruin our good memories. He knows what will make us angry and hurt and frustrated. And guess what! He feeds on that. He does his best to weasel his way into my life without me even knowing he's there. He gets me to act like a brat..well, I suppose he doesn't MAKE me, he just presents me with opportunities that I generally don't use to glorify God. I take all the blame for how I act. A good friend of mine told me this summer that it's okay to feel emotions, it's okay to be hurt, frustrated, or angry, but it doesn't give me an excuse to act like a "grouch butt." I am responsible for how I act regardless of how I feel. Sometimes, I don't feel like giving my life to God. Sometimes, I feel like pouting just to show that I am upset, instead of simply addressing it or giving it to God and letting him handle it. Sometimes, I FEEL like rubbing people's nose in their mistakes to make them know what they did to hurt me. How Christ-like, right? No. Not really at all. That's a sucky thing to do to anyone, especially to the people that I claim to love most. That's hurtful, and though I don't do it consciously most of the time, I know in the end that is what I have done. How hateful. I allow the enemy room in my heart to make his place there if only for a time. I allow his hate, his bitterness, his ugly to come into my life. When I was talking to God today I realized, once I said it out loud, that Satan had my heart in a vice grip and I allowed him to keep it there because my hurt felt justified. Well, it's not. It's okay to feel hurt, but acting out and hurting someone else to tend to my own wounds is never the right answer. I can see God working on my heart more and more. I can feel him mending what's been broke, and though I am not going to be perfect overnight, I am growing. I am healing. I am becoming more like Christ, even when I slip into old ways sometimes. I am always telling people that I'm a realist, Adam claims I'm closer to the pessimistic end of the spectrum, and maybe I am more of a pessimist than I previously thought. I think Satan feeds on that. He knows that I have fears and insecurities and he knows just how to make me question the healing that God is working on my heart. He knows how to make me insecure in my relationships with the people that I love most and even with God at times. Satan sucks. I really don't like him. I don't like who I am when I slip into my old self. I want to be all in for Christ. I want to be ever growing in my relationship with him and I am. Satan can lie to me all he wants, but I am tired of listening. I am done listening.