Oh my goodness, it seems like summer has just flown by. I cannot wait to get back to school, so I can see everyone again, it's so exciting. The only bad thing about this year is that I have no fun classes. This year is gonna be tough. I don't want to stress about it, but I have a tendency to want everything to go perfectly. If it doesn't.... well I get worried.
Thinking about life after high school also makes me nervous. I am not set on what I want to do as a career, and I feel like the longer I wait the less I know. Another thing about college that scares me is the fact that I won't be as close to home. I have seen a few people over the years move out and go to a college far from home, but I just don't think I would be one of those. I am pretty set on going somewhere close where I can live with family, if not my parents then my grandparents or aunts. I also don't want to go far from the church. It has always been my safe haven and I don't want to be apart from it and everyone in it.
Work has been going well, but I feel that once school starts it's going to be hard to juggle work and school and family and friends. I know though that with God all things are possible, so I place my trust in him.
Everything will work out how He wants it to.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The CIY Experience
Wow, I didn't realize CIY would impact me as much as it has. The entire week was incredible and I miss seeing everyone, everyday.
The first day I thought that the youth group was pretty close, but as we moved on through the week i realized that we grew so much closer.
The second day, Al was telling us that if we couldn't tell each other things that were hurting us then we weren't really a church. That struck a nerve in me, but I think that was the impression that he was trying to make. When he said that it seemed like most everyone started to open up more. I was very surprised. Al and Erin thought that part of the reason we didn't want to share is that we didn't trust one another with our hearts. That's not the reason I was nervous. I was only afraid to cry in front of the boys, and I knew in my heart that if I spoke the flood gates were gonna open. As soon as, I started to speak i could feel a lump rise in my throat and I knew i was about to cry, but I just kept "talking" (if you can call it that) as best as I could between gulping the air. After i shared though it was as if a weight had been lifted, and I feel that it might have made others more comfortable by knowing that if they were to cry we would be there for them. When Evan shared, I saw that he started crying, so i went over to him and tried as best as i could to comfort my little brother. I have never before seen him cry, and it moved me to tears. After that night i was more comfortable crying in front of everyone, knowing that they would only be support.
Wednesday, for me, was the most moving day. When Erin prayed over us I could tell that she really cared about each and everyone of us. But when Al prayed for me, he wrapped me in a hug, and I started crying right then and there. Al for me is a man that I look up to with great respect, and in my mind is a father-figure that i look up to and admire. I felt like he really cared and loved me for who I was no matter what. When he finished praying I was in tears and i turned to Chrissy who was also bawling. We hugged each other and literally had a shoulder to cry on. It was nice to know that we were there for each other. Later on when we talked about why we had cried I told her how I never really feel like my own dad's care as much as Al and that it meant a lot to me that he treats me the way that he does. I feel like he has been there for me more than my own father and that is nice.
One day, I don't remember which day it was, we went to Bald Knob. That place kinda creeped me out. The little town did at least. The place where we were supposed to eat was filled to the brim with creepy dead animals and I don't think I could have eaten there. So Chrissy, Evan, and I went to this other place to get some food. After eating we went to this huge cross that was amazing, and we wrote notes to someone in our group. I wanted to write more than one, but I only got the chance to write two. (I wrote more when we got back to the dorms.) When I received the notes that my friends had written for me I was touched, and some almost made me cry. I read them now whenever I'm feeling bad and they cheer me right up.
Some of the exercises that we did really made me think. The one that impacted me the most was the play-doh idols. We created what we spend the majority of our time doing out of play-doh. Later on that evening we threw our play-doh into a basket, went to pray over each other with our youth groups, symbolically washed our hands of our idol, and proceeded to walk into the audotorium. When we entered we realized that we were literally stepping on our idols. The play-doh had been covered by plastic and we stepped on the things that kept us from God.
For me, it has been hard to stay as close to God as I was at CIY, but I know with Him I can accomplish all things. I just pray that I will keep Him in mind all the time.
The first day I thought that the youth group was pretty close, but as we moved on through the week i realized that we grew so much closer.
The second day, Al was telling us that if we couldn't tell each other things that were hurting us then we weren't really a church. That struck a nerve in me, but I think that was the impression that he was trying to make. When he said that it seemed like most everyone started to open up more. I was very surprised. Al and Erin thought that part of the reason we didn't want to share is that we didn't trust one another with our hearts. That's not the reason I was nervous. I was only afraid to cry in front of the boys, and I knew in my heart that if I spoke the flood gates were gonna open. As soon as, I started to speak i could feel a lump rise in my throat and I knew i was about to cry, but I just kept "talking" (if you can call it that) as best as I could between gulping the air. After i shared though it was as if a weight had been lifted, and I feel that it might have made others more comfortable by knowing that if they were to cry we would be there for them. When Evan shared, I saw that he started crying, so i went over to him and tried as best as i could to comfort my little brother. I have never before seen him cry, and it moved me to tears. After that night i was more comfortable crying in front of everyone, knowing that they would only be support.
Wednesday, for me, was the most moving day. When Erin prayed over us I could tell that she really cared about each and everyone of us. But when Al prayed for me, he wrapped me in a hug, and I started crying right then and there. Al for me is a man that I look up to with great respect, and in my mind is a father-figure that i look up to and admire. I felt like he really cared and loved me for who I was no matter what. When he finished praying I was in tears and i turned to Chrissy who was also bawling. We hugged each other and literally had a shoulder to cry on. It was nice to know that we were there for each other. Later on when we talked about why we had cried I told her how I never really feel like my own dad's care as much as Al and that it meant a lot to me that he treats me the way that he does. I feel like he has been there for me more than my own father and that is nice.
One day, I don't remember which day it was, we went to Bald Knob. That place kinda creeped me out. The little town did at least. The place where we were supposed to eat was filled to the brim with creepy dead animals and I don't think I could have eaten there. So Chrissy, Evan, and I went to this other place to get some food. After eating we went to this huge cross that was amazing, and we wrote notes to someone in our group. I wanted to write more than one, but I only got the chance to write two. (I wrote more when we got back to the dorms.) When I received the notes that my friends had written for me I was touched, and some almost made me cry. I read them now whenever I'm feeling bad and they cheer me right up.
Some of the exercises that we did really made me think. The one that impacted me the most was the play-doh idols. We created what we spend the majority of our time doing out of play-doh. Later on that evening we threw our play-doh into a basket, went to pray over each other with our youth groups, symbolically washed our hands of our idol, and proceeded to walk into the audotorium. When we entered we realized that we were literally stepping on our idols. The play-doh had been covered by plastic and we stepped on the things that kept us from God.
For me, it has been hard to stay as close to God as I was at CIY, but I know with Him I can accomplish all things. I just pray that I will keep Him in mind all the time.
After CIY
Things have been going pretty well since CIY, the real challenge starts tomorrow when i talk to my dad about it.
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