I want to be the Savior.

Something that has been pressing on my heart for a long time is this temptation to try to end all the most heinous crimes against humanity. Now. Right now.

I'm not saying that I shouldn't want these terrible things to be ended. But the temptation I have faced as of late is fighting to urge to believe that I, in my own strength, am somehow capable of making that happen. 

How I, without the help and input of my God, can put an abrupt end to the atrocity of the Human Sex Slave industry that we are fighting.

How I, without the prayers and groanings of my soul and of the Holy Spirit on my behalf, can convince the world that, "No, it is NEVER okay to murder your child. Within the womb or without. Never, for any reason, is abortion justified." 

How I, without Christ's bearing all the weight of sin and shame, can do ANYTHING to make this world even one breath better. 

I am my own idol. 

I want to save the world. 

I want to be the Savior. 

But I can't. I could never. I'm not strong enough. And when given the chance to take a breath and really think on it, I don't want to be my own Savior. Or yours. I am so broken. I am so sinful. I am nothing without Christ's redeeming work in my life. 

And neither are you. 

God is so good and so kind to us that He made a way for us to once again have Eden. To once again walk with Him. To once again be able to come to Him and receive abounding love and mercy. 

I want sex trafficking to be snuffed out. Now. 

I want abortion to be seen by all, with clarity, for the Holocaust that it is. Now. 

I want marriages to be holy representations of Christ and His steadfast, devoted love for His Church. Now. 

I want all children to be safe and secure in their parent's love. Now. 

I want pornography to be banned and condemned. Now. 

I don't want to wait for God's timing in these things. I somehow think that I know better. I would end all these wicked acts today if I could. But I cannot. 

I don't want to wait a little while longer so that the world, individuals, can come to a place of understanding and repentance for the murders that we have allowed to happen on our watch. 

I don't want to wait while more children, precious babies with inherent value, are sacrificed on the altar of a woman's right to choose. On the bogus claim that this is somehow women's healthcare. 

It makes my heart ache to think of any mother being able to lay down the life of her child in this way. It has always been this way for me, but after having two children of my own, it is an unbearable thought. 

But God. 

He is the one who changes hearts.

He is the one who is doing a good work in so many doctors and abortionists hearts. 

He is the one who brings the darkness to the light. 

He is the one who is already doing just that. 

He is the one who brings redemption and wholeness to the ugliest sins. 

He is the one who is strong enough to heal the hearts of women who have given up their children from fear or pain or force or selfishness. 

He is the one who can change the hearts of pimps who use and abuse the women under their "care."

He is the one who can find the most broken, scared, wretched sinner and call him into His family. 

He is the one. 

Not me. 

And praying is not the least I can do. It is the most tremendous thing I can do to end these crimes. Because God answers the prayers of His children.

He is faithful. He will surely do it. 

The Adventures of Emerson and Adaline

Day to day life as a stay-at-home mom is such a joy. I remember being in college and thinking that there was no way I would want to stay at home all day with my kids. I remember how, even before I had them, I was counting down the days until Adam and I would be alone in our home again. But now? Oh, how things have changed.

Motherhood is one of the greatest joys that a woman can experience and I thank God every day for the joy He has brought into my life by these two beautiful children. This life that He has gifted me with is full of beauty, laughter, and sunshine.

But things are not always so rosy. I am one who tends to look back on the past through rose colored glasses (thank you, Lord!), but just the other night I was faced with the temptations of the enemy to despair.

Life as a stay-at-home mom is complex. There is work to be done. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, preparing meals, running errands, yard work, the list goes on and on. These things can be very satisfying to do, tangible reminders that I AM indeed working and not just lazing about. But there is also a greater work to be done than keeping house and making sure every single thing has a place in my Marie Kondo aspiring home.

And that work is to raise up my children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6).

That is a hard work.

It means that even though I am THIS CLOSE to finishing that sewing project I've had on my table for months, I need to stop, get down on his level, and really listen to what my son wants to share with me.

It means that even though I really wanted a nap, needed it even, I put aside the blanket and grab my Bible because I need Jesus more.

It means that sometimes dinner won't be on the table when my husband gets home from his long day of working doing a ministry of his own.

 It means that my floors will often be smattered with mud tracked in from puddle jumping, leaves and sticks that were gathered on our walks, and some indiscernible food that one or both of the children threw or left behind after snacking.

It means that I need to make it my priority to teach them about Jesus, because the world will do all that it can to lead them away from Him. 

It means teaching them how to love others by being an example of loving others. By stopping to chat with seniors in the grocery store who are fawning over my babies. By volunteering together. By sacrificially loving those around us and inviting people regularly into our home to share this life with us. By keeping our circle of friends open to whoever might hope to join and have a family.

It means that some days will be full of heartache and wondering if I'm a bad mom because corrective discipline is painful and today it feels like we did nothing but correct and discipline and start again. But God has given me to be their mother and commanded me to teach them obedience. He doesn't call us to discipline our children because He hates them or because we should, but BECAUSE we love them, we must discipline them. It is so dangerous to disobey the Lord, and by disobeying their parents, our children are defying God. It is our job to help them learn how to love God and obey what He commands. (Hebrews 12:4-13)

It means that some nights I will get little sleep because my boy fell out of bed and needing comforting because he got afraid of shadows in the dark. And then my girl woke up right as I fell back to sleep because, why not?

It means whispered conversations with my love after the kids go to bed, so we can catch up (but also so the kids can keep sleeping!)

It means putting my husband before my (very needy) children so that they have a correct view of marriage and family and God.

It means tremendous joy and celebration.

And some days the enemy will try to convince you, just as he tried to convince me, that you are not equipped for this work as a mother. You are failing. Your kids would be better off with someone else as their Mama. He will try to convince you that this season of disciplinary issues with your child is the sum total of your relationship with him. He will whisper that because you didn't do as many "fun" things today as you'd hoped that you are damaging your child. He will do all that he can to make you question and fear and despair.

But Satan is the father of LIES and our own hearts cannot be trusted (Jeremiah 17:9).

So when you feel paralyzed by the fears of this world. Lean on your Father who has overcome the world (John 16:33).

This world is broken, but this life is truly only just the beginning. Eternity with our Father is where our story really begins. Let us run this race with endurance and raise up our children to run beside us, enduring to the end and to our new beginning (Hebrews 12:1-3).