It's hard to say that I need to give everything to God. I know what you're thinking, "Jeez Jenna, why wouldn't you want to give all of your problems to God?" I know. I guess, as much as I hear about it, this is something that I still really struggle with. There has been a lot going on that I just want to handle. On my own. But, when I really think about the consequences of doing all of this on my own, by myself, with no one's help, I know that I could never accomplish anything. He knows that my youth pastor, the only one who I have ever even come close to connecting with, is being forced into a corner and out of a job. He knows that I have to juggle school, and work, and another job, and worrying about college. He knows everything that I ever have to face in life, and through it all He has been there. When I don't deserve Him, which is all the time, He stays by my side. He holds my hand when I'm scared and holds my heart when I am broken. And I am broken. I'm broken and have been broken for as long as I can remember, but He is helping me put back the pieces. He is the only one who can see past all of my cracks and flaws with a smile on His face and love in His heart. I am working so hard to give it all to Him. As much as I "can handle it", He knows better. He has been there all along, so there is nothing that I can hide from Him, even if I wanted to.
I know that I am not honoring God when I try to keep my pain from Him or try to hold my burdens myself. He is more than capable, I guess in my own mind, I don't want to bother Him with my silly tears when someone else has bigger problems. He knows that these things hurt me, and I am starting to think that maybe He knows whats best after all :) It's something that we all say, "God knows best", but how many of us really believe or acknowledge that? I think sometimes it is just a phrase that sounds like the "Good Christian Thing" to say. But do we think through that? If God knows best, then why do we question so much? He knows best, and maybe, just maybe, He doesn't need our input. He is God after all, and He loves us and will take care of us. I know for me, I have to continually put my trust in Him. Not just a little bit, or enough that I can still hold on to the hurt and anger, but completely give it all to Him. He can take the heat, He can listen to me whine and complain and yell and be angry at the world, so why wouldn't I talk to the One that knows the pain? It seems obvious enough, I just have to keep Him where he belongs. At the top of my priories and never anything less.
