So...I pretty much suck at writing on this blog on a regular basis, so if any of you check this daily...sorry! But today I have something to say. I was spending some time in the word this morning in the book of Esther (and not just because I am a woman!) and I found these words, "and if I perish, I perish." Now, if you know anything about this book, you know that there is this woman, Esther, that is a Jewish girl who becomes the queen. She saves her people and gets the bad guy killed. Pretty heroic lady. That's not why I'm reading through the book, by the way! We are going through this in my Sunday School Class at Christ Church of Oronogo, so I thought I would start digging into it. But in this phrase that I picked out...we see courage. Esther knew that if she entered the kings inner courts without being summoned, she was likely to be killed. But she knew that without her help, all of the Jews (including herself) would be killed. She was willing to do the work and willing to risk her life to save her people.
Now, what I find so appealing about all of this is that even though she was afraid for her life, she went anyways. Whenever I read a book or watch a movie, I always compare myself to the main female character (whatever, you know you do it too!). It makes movies and books a lot more interesting when you are actually in the shoes of the person whose experiencing all the action. It makes you think. Would I have gone into the king's quarters without his permission? Well, sure! He's MY husband, right?! I should be able to do what I want. Equal rights for crying out loud! But it's not like that here. If I were in Esther's shoes, I would KNOW that unless the king extended his gold scepter out to me, I was dead meat. And sure, you could run and try to scream your way out of death, but I'm sure they've dealt with that before. So, what would I do? Would I let my family and friends be mutilated by some lying, conniving man? Surely not! I would not let him take my sister, and mom, and best friends because I was afraid. Right?
Well, something else I always do in movies (I can never just peacefully watch a movie, okay?) is compare it to the bigger picture in life. This is totally off subject, but I'm going to give you an example of this. You know in Horton Hears a Who? Yeah. I pictured the little town of Whoville to be God, and Horton was the faithful follower trying to tell everyone that this God he held was real, even if you couldn't really see him or hear him. And that darn kangaroo....well, atheist. She was just so determined that there was absolutely nothing but a speck of dust on that fluffy flower! But boy was she wrong...God was there all along. Now, I know this isn't theologically sound...because God's not a little city full of people, he doesn't need saving, and so on and so forth, but that's how I started with the movie and it just goes from there.
ANYWAYS, back to what I was actually saying. God doesn't just call us to care about the people really close to us, like our family and friends. He calls us to love all people. To go into ALL the world. The people are being mutilated, starving, dying, without Jesus. And we cry out, "That's not fair! Surely, God will let them into heaven if they've never had a chance to know him!" They did have a chance, but we didn't give it to them, by going. It is our job to evangelize. I'm not calling out any individuals, besides myself. I have to admit, though I am a Bible College student, I still get nervous sharing the gospel. You know why? Because people might not agree with me. They might say mean things, and make me all upset, and then I might say something wrong. What if I preach a gospel that isn't really the gospel. What if I say the wrong thing and turn them off the God. What is I say something, and accidentally do another, and they point their finger at me and point out that I am a wretched human who doesn't really follow God 100%. What then. Well...when I write that out, I notice one thing...I, I, I. Too bad God isn't me! My God is so much bigger than my fallible self. I can do nothing. But Christ is doing something in me. Without him, preaching the word is pointless. Sure, someone might come to the faith, and that's excellent, but when we allow God to speak through us instead of relying on ourselves, we don't have to worry about looking stupid or saying the wrong thing. We still might look or feel stupid sometimes, I'm not saying we won't. But I would much rather look and feel stupid and save someone, then say nothing and condemn them to hell. Now....those are easy words to say, and even easier to write. But they are some tough words to live by.
I have an amazing family, but you know what's weird? It's so much easier to talk about Jesus to people I don't know well, than it is to talk to my non-Christian family members. Why is that? Is it because we don't want them to think we are crazy? We don't want them thinking we are some Bible-thumping hyper kid? We don't want them thinking that the only way to heaven is through Jesus? We are afraid of being called close-minded? Well, guess what. We are. At least in this area. There is ONE way to get to heaven and that's through Jesus. If that makes me close-minded, then call me close-minded. I don't want the people I love most to go to hell because I was afraid to say something and have them not "like" me as much. I love them too much to let them go to hell. But man, is it scary to think about talking with some of them. Especially, when they are together and can band together against me. Especially knowing myself and how I get to feeling when I'm under that type of pressure. But God is bigger. Why do I forget that? Why do WE forget that?
We need to go in with the mindset of "and if I perish, I perish." If I'm metaphorically burned at the stake for saying what Christ calls me to say, then so what. If I'm verbally beaten up for speaking the truth...then, so what! There are people out there, who enter war zones, risking their lives to spread the gospel, and I'm afraid to go into my families comfy homes and speak the truth the people that I've known my whole life? That doesn't make a lick of sense. God give us the mind set that "if I perish, I perish." I want to know that I am living my life for you, and honoring you in everything....even if I perish.
