Today, well actually a few days ago, as I was watching the snow fall, I realised that our lives are much like the snowflakes. Beautiful, but soon gone.
Some vanish as soon as they hit the ground, some stick around, and some, let's be honest are a little cold. Our lives just like the snowflakes are intricate, delicate, unique. Not one is the same as any other. We are all beautiful, but easily broken under foot and we melt under pressure.
We don't want to become too icy and cause others to slip and fall. We also don't want to be so soft that others can walk all over us. I think all would agree that the perfect kind of snow is soft, but easily packed. That means we must be open for growth even whits it's not comfortable, and also keep our eyes on God by showing His glorious love.
We can fall softly among the lilies or get smashed on the windsheild of life. We are blown in the wind in hundreds of different directions, no two will ever follow the exact same path.
Snowflakes can also apply to the type of friends and family that you have. Just like with our own lives some of the "snowflakes" that we have come to love will leave sooner than we would like. Those people are ones that God brought into our lives for a time, but never meant to stay there permenatly. We have to learn to let go of those.
Other ones are there for a much longer, and make a really deep impression in your heart. When these people leave our lives it is much more difficult to handle.
But God will never leave our sides no matter what we may go through. He is always going to be there for you to lean on.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Jamaica Mission Trip
Jamaica Mission Trip
This trip was one of the most wonderful and fulfilling experiences in my life. I had never felt a love so strong. I loved the children at the Blossom Gardens Orphanage like they were my own children. The desire that I felt in my heart to change their lives was tremendous. Honestly, I don’t know if what I did at that facility changed anything for the children, but I do know for sure that it changed me. It changed how I see the world and how I look at people. Those little babies, toddlers, and school children taught me something that I can never forget. They taught me to love. Now that may sound dumb and a bit over the top, but it’s true. Everyone knows to some extent how to love, but these children love so deeply and passionately. They love every single person that steps into their lives. No questions asked. That’s the kind of love that I want to have. I want to be able to love unconditionally, purely, and forever. Not surprisingly, all that these kids wanted in return for their love is to be loved. That is their number one desire in life
(right next to getting their pictures taken). Something I learned very quickly there was that no matter how many times you are told not to get too attached, it happens. The first day I would hold each child and play with them, but by the end of day two I had found “my” baby. Her name is Jessica Parchnient, and I had fallen head over heels for this baby girl. She was so sweet and loved to be held, and I was perfectly happy to be the one that did that for her. Time after time she would fall asleep and I could have stayed in that position forever, no matter how uncomfortable I got. She has the biggest smile and the sweetest face that I have ever seen. I don’t think that I have ever loved anyone as strongly as I love her. It seems strange to fall in love in such a short time, but in all actuality it is probably harder to not fall in love with at least one of them. While we were there, most days were pretty hot, but that didn’t stop the children from wanting to be held. No matter how sweaty they got, they would hold on to you forever if they could. A lot of times you had to pry their little fingers off of your neck to even breathe comfortably. Over the week you grow to love this feeling and never want it to end. By Thursday, I had to tell myself that this would all soon be over. This sudden realization, that should have been obvious from the beginning, was so much harder to accept than I ever thought possible. Even thinking about it now causes me great distress. I guess in my mind I had started planning on staying there forever, and eventually adopting Jessica. I know that she is in a great place that will love her and take good care of her, but the children out weigh the adults by so much that there is never the chance to get as much one on one time with them as they would like. I have been on mission trips before, but this one struck a chord in my heart that I cannot ignore. No matter what I do I am constantly thinking about them and wondering what they are doing, and if they are crying and not getting held. The last day was harder than I had anticipated. When Beka gave me the signal that we only had minutes left with the children, my heart sunk. I ran to the infant room and found Jessica sleeping soundly in her crib. All I could do was look at her and sob. I would touch her arms, legs, back, and face trying to soak up as much as I could do in my limited time with her. She didn’t know it, but I was going to leave her. As much as I tried to keep her asleep, she woke up. She looked at me with her big brown eyes with a big smile on her face. I tried to lull her back to sleep, but failed miserably. After a point she started to make some noise. There were twelve other children in the room sleeping, and I didn’t want her to wake up the others and make the nurse’s job more difficult. So, using this as an excuse I picked up the little baby that was reaching out to me. This made things 100 times harder. She was now not only awake, but wrapping her chubby little hands around my neck and loving me more than I deserve. She would look at my face and see the tears streaming down wondering what was going on. I would wipe them away and try to smile at her to let her know that everything was going to be okay. I stood there and rocked her for what would be the last time. I had to give her to one of the nurses, Mrs. Brown, for just a second to meet with the supervisor of the orphanage. She thanked us for all we had done in our short time. After that, I reentered the nursery to say my final goodbye. I told Mrs. Brown that I wouldn’t hold Jessica; I would just kiss her and be on my way. I thought that this would hurt less. But, as soon as I kissed her round little cheek she turned away from Mrs. Brown and reached for me. I scooped her up into my arms and bawled like a baby. I handed her back to Mrs. Brown and heard a shrill cry. She didn’t want Mrs. Brown she wanted me! This was the hardest thing to see and hear because the look on her face was one of confusion and want. I forced myself to walk out of that room with her at my back. She watched me leave her and I watched her protest. I shut the door behind me and broke down. I tried to be strong, but the feelings welling up inside of me were not of strength, but of defeat. I felt like nothing I did mattered because I was leaving her and wouldn’t be there to love her everyday like I had been. I have flashbacks of our final moments and cry. The nurses love the children, but that will never change the fact that they will not receive as much love as they deserve. Sadly, many of these kids will move from one facility to another throughout their lifetime. Some may get adopted out quickly, and that is something that everyone loves to hear. I fear that I will never see Jessica again, but I also fear that I will. If I never see her again then I will know that she has been brought into a loving home where she will get the love that she desires. But if, when I go back next year, she is still at the orphanage the few days I will get to spend with her will never be enough to give her what she deserves and longs for. The best I can do is pray for her and all of the others to have the best life. I pray that they will be loved and hugged and kissed and tickled as much as possible. That someone will come into their life that will take pictures of them and give them more love than they have ever known. They deserve at least that.
This trip was one of the most wonderful and fulfilling experiences in my life. I had never felt a love so strong. I loved the children at the Blossom Gardens Orphanage like they were my own children. The desire that I felt in my heart to change their lives was tremendous. Honestly, I don’t know if what I did at that facility changed anything for the children, but I do know for sure that it changed me. It changed how I see the world and how I look at people. Those little babies, toddlers, and school children taught me something that I can never forget. They taught me to love. Now that may sound dumb and a bit over the top, but it’s true. Everyone knows to some extent how to love, but these children love so deeply and passionately. They love every single person that steps into their lives. No questions asked. That’s the kind of love that I want to have. I want to be able to love unconditionally, purely, and forever. Not surprisingly, all that these kids wanted in return for their love is to be loved. That is their number one desire in life
(right next to getting their pictures taken). Something I learned very quickly there was that no matter how many times you are told not to get too attached, it happens. The first day I would hold each child and play with them, but by the end of day two I had found “my” baby. Her name is Jessica Parchnient, and I had fallen head over heels for this baby girl. She was so sweet and loved to be held, and I was perfectly happy to be the one that did that for her. Time after time she would fall asleep and I could have stayed in that position forever, no matter how uncomfortable I got. She has the biggest smile and the sweetest face that I have ever seen. I don’t think that I have ever loved anyone as strongly as I love her. It seems strange to fall in love in such a short time, but in all actuality it is probably harder to not fall in love with at least one of them. While we were there, most days were pretty hot, but that didn’t stop the children from wanting to be held. No matter how sweaty they got, they would hold on to you forever if they could. A lot of times you had to pry their little fingers off of your neck to even breathe comfortably. Over the week you grow to love this feeling and never want it to end. By Thursday, I had to tell myself that this would all soon be over. This sudden realization, that should have been obvious from the beginning, was so much harder to accept than I ever thought possible. Even thinking about it now causes me great distress. I guess in my mind I had started planning on staying there forever, and eventually adopting Jessica. I know that she is in a great place that will love her and take good care of her, but the children out weigh the adults by so much that there is never the chance to get as much one on one time with them as they would like. I have been on mission trips before, but this one struck a chord in my heart that I cannot ignore. No matter what I do I am constantly thinking about them and wondering what they are doing, and if they are crying and not getting held. The last day was harder than I had anticipated. When Beka gave me the signal that we only had minutes left with the children, my heart sunk. I ran to the infant room and found Jessica sleeping soundly in her crib. All I could do was look at her and sob. I would touch her arms, legs, back, and face trying to soak up as much as I could do in my limited time with her. She didn’t know it, but I was going to leave her. As much as I tried to keep her asleep, she woke up. She looked at me with her big brown eyes with a big smile on her face. I tried to lull her back to sleep, but failed miserably. After a point she started to make some noise. There were twelve other children in the room sleeping, and I didn’t want her to wake up the others and make the nurse’s job more difficult. So, using this as an excuse I picked up the little baby that was reaching out to me. This made things 100 times harder. She was now not only awake, but wrapping her chubby little hands around my neck and loving me more than I deserve. She would look at my face and see the tears streaming down wondering what was going on. I would wipe them away and try to smile at her to let her know that everything was going to be okay. I stood there and rocked her for what would be the last time. I had to give her to one of the nurses, Mrs. Brown, for just a second to meet with the supervisor of the orphanage. She thanked us for all we had done in our short time. After that, I reentered the nursery to say my final goodbye. I told Mrs. Brown that I wouldn’t hold Jessica; I would just kiss her and be on my way. I thought that this would hurt less. But, as soon as I kissed her round little cheek she turned away from Mrs. Brown and reached for me. I scooped her up into my arms and bawled like a baby. I handed her back to Mrs. Brown and heard a shrill cry. She didn’t want Mrs. Brown she wanted me! This was the hardest thing to see and hear because the look on her face was one of confusion and want. I forced myself to walk out of that room with her at my back. She watched me leave her and I watched her protest. I shut the door behind me and broke down. I tried to be strong, but the feelings welling up inside of me were not of strength, but of defeat. I felt like nothing I did mattered because I was leaving her and wouldn’t be there to love her everyday like I had been. I have flashbacks of our final moments and cry. The nurses love the children, but that will never change the fact that they will not receive as much love as they deserve. Sadly, many of these kids will move from one facility to another throughout their lifetime. Some may get adopted out quickly, and that is something that everyone loves to hear. I fear that I will never see Jessica again, but I also fear that I will. If I never see her again then I will know that she has been brought into a loving home where she will get the love that she desires. But if, when I go back next year, she is still at the orphanage the few days I will get to spend with her will never be enough to give her what she deserves and longs for. The best I can do is pray for her and all of the others to have the best life. I pray that they will be loved and hugged and kissed and tickled as much as possible. That someone will come into their life that will take pictures of them and give them more love than they have ever known. They deserve at least that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)