Home

Alright, so I don't blog too often..this I know, so two in a day is gonna be overwhelming for you guys. Take it slow. Summer is coming to a very sudden and screeching halt for me. It seems like I just eased into summer ever so slowly, went to camp and had an incredible time, blinked, and then my summer was over. I know it wasn't actually that way, but it feels like that sometimes. I am the kind of person who isn't particularly fond of change. Me? Little ole Jenna? Doesn't like change? I know...it's a shocker for us all. Harhar ;) I get settled in (which takes me a while) and then I like to stay where I am. I don't mean I like to stay stagnant. I just mean, physically, I prefer to stay in the same city as opposed to going to one place, settling, then packing up and going to another to do the same. That's a vicious cycle for the college student. And I, being a college student, have to do this a couple times a year. I love being in my hometown..er..city? I do. I have all of my family really close. A sister that doubles as my best friend. An incredible boyfriend who is also my best friend. A mom who I love with all that I have in me (she's also my best friend...I have a few okay?! Don't judge) A dad and stepdad that I love dearly. I have close friends that I have rekindled relationships with. And I have (finally) found a new home church and a small group of young adults to be a part of. I can go see them, catch up, and be with people that I love. I love going to Ozark. I have developed an incredible family there that I wouldn't trade for the world. I have the best roommate/best friend, a poopsquatch or two (you know who you are), a couple of "gurls", an awesome big brother, a cliff jumping buddy, and a baby bear that make up my adopted family (and I'm sure there will be more soon). I know God has placed both of these "homes" in my life for a reason. I needed my first home to grow up in. I needed those people at that time to be who I am today. I needed my Ozark home to grow even more. I wouldn't trade these "homes" for the world. I wouldn't swap my story for anyone else's...junk and all. My life has been blessed beyond measure and I am who I am because of every tinsy detail. God has done a number on me...so why do I catch myself worrying about tomorrow? Not tomorrow literally...but the future. Why do I get so antsy about going "home?" Leaving one home for the other means leaving people. And I'm realizing that my "home" isn't a place. It's a set of people. I'm "home" when I'm with Adam, or my Mom, or Fallon, or Marcy, or Dani, or Tricia, or Grace, or any number of other people (don't feel left out, I was thinking of you too..well, maybe...this is getting awkward, just assume I was okay?). But my heart is spread out so far. It is still wholly in me, but at the same time a piece of my heart is with people that I'm not with when I'm at one "home" or the other. At school, a gigantic chunk of my heart stays in Jackson, Tennessee...and in Kansas City. When I'm at home another huge piece is in St. Louis (or China), Joplin, Lamar, Louisville, Texas, and Curryville..My heart struggles to be away from those that I love. So, going "home" is always hard. I long for a day when going Home won't be hard. I was not made for any "home" on earth to satisfy me. Many times I catch myself looking forward to being "home" with my own family some day. I long for my "home" to be my husband...and my kids. Then I remember, even then, I'll long for Home. I will still have parts of my heart scattered among the states and the rest of the world. Though it gets easier for my heart to be away from it's pieces the longer I'm at one "home" or the other, my heart yearns for a day when all of my heart will be whole again. All of the people that I love most will finally be together in one place greater than anything we could ever dream up on earth. I want to go Home....but not yet (see, I still have a lot to do here). One day, my heart will be fully satisfied. One day...I will be Home.