Who am I?

So, the past few days I have been "off." Don't ask me how (cause I wish I knew), but it's not a good kind of off. If those exist. I've felt emotional, needy, selfish, and filled with worry. I have reached my breaking point more than once. Burst into tears a time or two. And held back at least double that. I got around to 5 o'clock this evening and I realized that I hadn't spent any time with God today...wow. How does that even happen. How is it that the ONE who should be most important in my life got pushed aside to the back burner. I didn't even work today, so there goes one excuse. I stayed home. I read. I sold stuff on the internet (or at least tried to). I talked to a good friend on the phone. I ate. I went to get instructions for a house sitting job. But I didn't spend time with God. I made time to procrastinate. I made time to look up pointless junk on the internet (without facebook OR pinterest mind you...that takes skill). I spent my day on me. And look where that gets me every time. I started journaling and realized...I need God. So badly. I need to talk with him. I need to love him. And I need him to love me. So badly. I am too broken without him. I can never put myself together...and try as I might, I just fall apart again without his love. I have spent my summer trying to fix myself, my relationships with others, and my relationship with God. I have spent my LIFE doing this. When will I learn? I am not able to do ANYTHING on my own. I get my feelings hurt over hurtful words. I get angry and hurt when plans change unexpectedly. I feel personally attacked when I am called out on my faults (unless it's in a way that is not embarrassing). I rule my world, and if anyone tries to do things differently, I throw a little (or big) fit. Who am I? Compared to who I was even in high school, I have grown in my faith and in many areas. But when I look at who I am, compared to who I know Christ wants me to be, I am saddened. I know it's a process (and jeez do I hate that), but it's hard. God is soooo good. He is so encouraging, and without his encouragement through his word and through the incredible people he's placed in my life, I probably would have given up by now. I want to be perfect. So badly. I want to figure out my faults and just fix them and never struggle with them again. Ever. I want to be so in love with Christ that when people look at me, the first thing they see is Him. I don't want to be remembered for the sin I have committed. I don't even want to be remembered for the good that I've done. I want to be remembered as God's daughter. I want people to look back when I'm gone and see Christ. I don't care if they remember what I looked like, how many years I went to college, how many mission trips I went on, how much money I made, or anything like that...I want to be remembered for loving Christ first all the time. I want to be remembered as the girl who took each moment as it came and gave God glory through it. I don't want to be remembered as the girl who got angry at the flip of a switch, or the one who had to cry at least 3 times a week to remain sane, or even the one who was good at mourning with those who mourn. I don't want to be remembered for anything I did. I want to be remembered for what Christ did through me.