1 John 4:18

Fear.

We all have it. For some of us, it is really obvious. We can see it. Everyone can see it. For some of us, we have learned how to deal with it in a healthy way without being stunted by its paralyzing effects. But for some of us, it has been so deeply rooted in us for so long that we have come to believe that it is not there.

Throughout my college career, I have been actively working to grow into the image of Christ. It is the struggle. I deeply desire to be perfect. I can't. That bothers me. It bothers me significantly less now than it did as a freshman, but it is still a battle.

Christ is perfect. I am not. Period. I never can be on my own. I never can be in this life. But somehow God still loves me. Accepts me. WANTS me. It's not just that God loves me, because lets be honest, he kinda has to love His children, right? But on top of His unconditional love for me...He EVEN LIKES ME!

He wants to be close to me.
He wants to have an intimate relationship with me.
He wants to hear about my life, hear my rants, and my joys.
He wants to hold me when I cry.
But He also wants to sweep me off my feet in my moments of joy and delight as well.
He wants to be wanted.

Isn't that weird? God wants to be wanted...just like you and I want to be wanted.

You do want to be wanted, don't you?

Let's be honest. No one wants to be alone. No one wants to be lonely. I don't just mean without a significant other to cuddle with. I mean any relationship.

Yesterday in Church History 1, Tom Lawson mentioned how important and impactful the relationship between friends is.

Scripture says in John 15:13, "Greater love has no man than this: to lay down one's life for his friend."

It doesn't say that the greatest love comes from laying down ones life for his significant other or his family. But it says his friend.

Does that surprise you?

I know it surprised me to think of how important friendships are reported to be in the Scriptures.

This is not to discount dating or marriage relationships by any means. Long before Adam and I were interested in marrying one another, we were best friends. I would then and I would now lay down my life for that man.

But it still surprised me to come to the realization that friendship is so vital.

God has been working on my heart for the past 4 years (well, He's always been working on my heart...let's be honest). He has been unveiling a lot of past hurts, a lot of ugly habits, and a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms. It sucks. Let me just tell you!

It doesn't feel good to have God reveal to you something unhealthy and harmful about yourself that you didn't realize was there. But God only reveals these things to you as you are able to handle them. This is not to take the verse about temptation out of context. God may give you more than you can bear on many accounts, we need Him and His people to thrive in this life. However, as God reveals our brokenness to us, He does it in doses.

He usually doesn't say, "Jenna...you need to grow and become more like me...so, right here in this moment, I'm going to tell you every way that you reflect the world and not me. You are reactive. You are often Pharisaical in your beliefs. You are a control freak. And don't let me forget about your problem with running away from scary and hard situations!....What else..."

No, God knows that if we knew the fullness of our brokenness all at once, we would be crushed. Discouraged. Disappointed. Deflated.

We serve a good God. A gentle God. A God who tells us that, "There is not fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

But you know what an even better translation of that first part is? At least in my humble opinion.

Marcy Low Greek Translation Ed. (MLGT) - It's legit..trust me.

1 John 4:18:
"There is not fear in love, but perfect love THROWS OUT FEAR (or THROWS FEAR OUTSIDE).

I love that. Perfect love throws fear out! It chucks it right out the front door, or in my case out the 3rd floor window!

So, why is fear so hard?

There's this phrase going around, "Words are hard."
Yeah, words are hard. But you know what's harder? Fear.
Fear is hard.

It's hard to uproot. It's hard to manage. It's hard to find the healthy balance. And sometimes, it's hard to locate in our lives. But it needs to be found, dealt with healthily, and uprooted...because perfect love throws fear outside.

We cannot have healthy families, healthy friendships, healthy dating relationships, or healthy marriages if we are living in that state of fear. And if we are living there, we are not experiencing the fullness of Christ's love. God is love. There is no fear in love.

I cannot tell you how many times I have made decisions out of a place of fear.

Fear of punishment.
Fear of being abandoned.
Fear of commitment.
Fear of intimacy.
Fear of loss of control.
Fear of being vulnerable.
Fear of being taken advantage of.
Fear of being fully known.
Fear of the unknown. The "what if."
Fear of hurting someone that I care about.
Fear of being hurt.
Fear of loss of relationships.
Fear of being unworthy...unwanted.

Some of those fear got their poisonous tentacles so deeply wrapped around my heart and mind that I didn't even realize they were there. I didn't know I needed to work through them. I didn't know that they were destroying good and healthy relationships...sabotaging them. I didn't realize how hard I was pushing people away. I didn't realize how lies could get stuck in my head and then after much rumination could begin to feel like "truths" to me.

I'm ready to try and never become that way again. Who I am hates who I've been.

Christ is the great Redeemer and He can somehow heal any brokenness that is in any of us. That absolutely blows my mind because I KNOW myself. I know that without Christ I am no good. On my own...I would be wicked. Christ has made me new and I don't have to live in the old life anymore.

And you know what's really crazy? God has brought people into my life who reflect this undying, unconditional love. It's really not fair. I don't deserve it, but man oh man am I grateful for it.

I don't know how I got so lucky as to get the most incredible man of God who loves me deeply and directs me toward Christ as both my best friend and my boyfriend...and who has remained faithful to me in spite of me. His unconditional love has shown me more of who Jesus truly is than any other person I have ever encountered.

I don't know how I got so lucky as to get the literal best roommate, sister, and best friend when I came to Ozark who has seen me at all stages of life and loved me anyways (even when she held my hair back as I threw up).

I don't know how I got so lucky to be blessed by a mother who loves me unconditionally, even when I snap at her (even though it's not her fault) after a particularly exhausting day.

I don't know how I got so lucky to have been blessed by the most Beautiful sister (capital B Beautiful, not just physically beautiful) who has held me while I held her as we bawled our eyes out all those times over the years.

I don't know how I got so lucky as to have a second family in the Lang's, to be shown unconditional love, support, and protection from that incredible family.

I don't know how I got so lucky to have the best neighbors who have been continual reminders of God's love and compassion as a best friends.

I don't know how I got so lucky as to have gotten a best friend in a girl who sat on my bed and said, "Yeah!" when I asked if we could be intentional friends with each other.

I don't know how I got so lucky as to have a wonderful family that has held me up through the most trying times and the most joy-filled times.

I don't know how I got so lucky as to have been blessed by a brother who refuses to reject me, even when I have run away from him so many times.

I don't know how I got so lucky as to have so many healthy, beautiful, and edifying relationships with men and women, students and professors here on Ozark's campus.

I could go on and on all day about how blessed I am. I have an incredible floor that I adore with my whole heart. I have wonderful friends in Jackson, Tennessee that I only see a few times a year, but still hold a special place in my life. I have great mentors, employers, coworkers, and acquaintances.

But the most important thing to remember is that God is good, even when there is nothing good in me. He is love and in His perfect love, there is no fear.

We don't have to live in fear.

This song pretty well captures the direction of this blog post:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSbVZKs8B_8