And we wonder why

Ladies,

I have something that I would like to tell to you all. This is something that God has laid heavy on my heart. We all want love. It's how we are wired, God made women to desire love, and men to desire respect. Neither one is better or worse than the other, but it's how we work. However, if we really want this true love, from anyone, then we must first love ourselves. We must first love God. The reason this has been laid so heavy on my heart these past several days is because of Halloween. Halloween has become a day where women can go out wearing incredibly inappropriate clothing without batting an eye. I have seen more skin in pictures these last few days than I would ever like to see. I have seen so many girls dressing this way and then wondering why guys treat them like they are easy. Treat them with a "love" that lasts for the night, but is gone as soon as the sun is up. Girls, why do we do this to ourselves? You want love, and don't tell me that I am wrong, because I know it's true. But what you are getting is NOT love, and when you continue in your pursuit of this "love", you will NEVER find it. The boys that talk to you can say all the "romantic" things, they can play the part, and when you're used and broken, they are gone. And you are numb. Left wondering why. Why would he does this? Why didn't he love me? Or worse, you are left thinking that THIS is what love is about. Oh my goodness girls, this IS NOT LOVE! This is lust, this is called being used, and thrown away like trash. You ARE NOT trash! You deserve better, so why do you keep putting yourself into these situations? Why do you show off your body like some piece of meat for men to ogle at? Why do you put your body on display like some sort of trophy? Imagine that you had a daughter or a little sister and you caught her dressing and revealing her body the way that you do. I would hope you'd confront her, tell her what she's doing to the boys all around her. And don't start telling me that it's all the boy's fault for lusting after you. That is so ridiculous. I have had friends tell me that they should be allowed to wear whatever they want, and that boys should just control themselves. Are you kidding me? Think about it. Is it really their fault? Are they really just perverts? YOU are the one showing more than you want them to see! It makes no sense. It's like putting a sign out for "Free Chocolate" in a dorm filled with women, but telling them that when they get to the table they can't ACTUALLY have the chocolate. They can only look. You are responsible for the men that you bring down in sin. I can't deny that men might lust even when you're being modest, but we should be looking out for our brothers purity in everything. Even in the way we dress. You are loved the way you are, and finding a man that will love you for you is important. God will bring him about in His own time and way, but you must honor God with your body. Don't be dragged into believing the lies this world tells you. Don't be convinced that you have to dress a certain way to grab guys attention. You are going to get the wrong guy when you live life this way. However, God smiles on us when we worship Him, even in our modesty, and the right guy will love us for protecting our body from the world.

He lives

God is so alive and active. I feel that often times, we get caught up in all the junk going on that we forget to spend time with our loving Creator. He is, has been, and always will be there for us, longing to have a relationship with us. I know for me, I have had a hard time praying. I get distracted and begin to let my mind wander to other things. Or I'll close my eyes and realize that I have begun to dose off. Or, the worst of the worst, I'll pray, not expecting to hear anything. Not expecting that God can do what I am asking, or even what He wants. I put God in a box. My God is bigger than any box I can concoct on my own. God cannot be put into any box. He is showing me that it's okay. It's okay to set up a certain time everyday where I go to Him. I didn't make time for Him before I set that time aside, and now I desire to talk to Him every morning and through out my day. He is telling me that it's okay to have your eyes open when you pray. I always felt like I wasn't "religious" if I opened my eyes during prayer, but if I close my eyes I cannot focus my mind. God is showing me that He is BIG enough to answer my prayers. He is POWERFUL enough to make me hear His response. He is GOD. And that seems obvious to say, but He is. I am not. I am nothing, without Him. It is so cool to fall in love with God. I love falling deeper into His arms everyday, and I can't wait for what the next day will bring.

Contentment

God has shown me that when I call on him, he shows up. The other day I had a "date" with God. I had planned on going to the library to work on some research papers, but I saw my girlfriend Marcy just laying on the bench outside of Goodman. I stopped by for just a second to say hey and then head to get some work done. She talked to me for a while, and somehow God gave her the words that I needed to hear. She told me how beautiful I was not only on the outside, but on the inside. She said that I needed to hear that more than I did. She said that she didn't want me to leave, that she wanted me to stay there with her in God's glory. Just soaking up his sunshine and love. I wasn't going to be persuaded, I had work to do and I needed to get it done today, or else I was going to be stressed, plus I have my "God time" at 6:17 or 7:17 every morning. But something caused my heart to let go of the need to always be doing homework and I decided to stay. I put my backpack inside and grabbed my prayer journal. And I just wrote, I told God how much I loved and missed this kind of time with him. That I was sorry for not making these dates happen more often. He and I just sat outside together soaking up the time that we had together. We would brush my hair from my neck with his hand (or the wind) and he was speaking deeply into my heart. He kissed my face with the warmth from the sun, and I felt him all around me. He was letting me know that I don't have to be perfect, that even though I am broken, He still loves me no matter what. No matter what. I love those three words more than most in the English language. No matter what. Is that hard to believe? God will be there no matter what, no matter how much of a jerk I can be to him, no matter how many times my eyes drift from him to the things that this world has to offer. He sticks around. What kind of guy does that? God does. He isn't afraid of helping me deal with all the junk in my life. He doesn't mind cradling my heart in his hands like a tiny, vulnerable child. He sticks around? That is so awesome, I serve an awesome God. We serve an awesome God. I never felt more close to God in my entire life than I do now. God listens, he responds when we come to him with pure hearts. He might not answer verbally, but he answers. He answers by bringing people into your life like Marcy, girls who love you and want to help you heal. People who act as an intercessor for God when my ears and eyes are closed off to His love for me. Girls that aren't afraid to see me cry, even though they have only known me for 2 months. Girls like Lindsay, who know just what I need to get me through the day whether that be an encouraging word or a touch. Girls that have the same battles and struggles that I do, that can relate to me and love me for who I am and who I've been. Girls like Rachel who have the same sense of humor, who laugh at stupid things and invite me to spend a weekend with their family. Girls that wrestle with me and remind me of home. Family that even though they are miles away take such good care of me. Loving me any way that they can. Friends who come down to visit for no reason. God is everywhere, and sometimes I close my eyes to all the good things because I am so bogged down with the bad. He is so amazing, guys. More amazing than I ever realized or will realize. He is so cool, and he's the best guy to fall in love with. He will never let you fall, you might feel like he's not always there, but that is just Satan filling your head with his lies. God is always there, holding us and loving us more than we will ever be able to deserve. God is so stinkin awesome. And I'm learning more and more what the word awesome means, the more I fall in love with him. Falling in love with Jesus was the best decision that I have ever made, and ever will make and I don't regret it even one day. God is cooler than anything that this world can offer. He can heal the brokenness in you, it's a process sure, but he will bring people to you who can show you how much God really does love you. I can't say enough that God is Awesome! And he loves you

In want

I have realized that by being at Ozark Christian College, my desire to get married has been amplified. Why? Maybe because Ozark really is a college where it seems like half of the students are married or engaged or about to be engaged. I know I didn't come here to get my MRS. degree like so many say, but it's hard to not have the topic of marriage constantly on your mind when it is all around you. I know that God has put the desire for marriage deep in the hearts of his people from the beginning of time, I just never assumed that it would come about this way. And I know what you are thinking, NO I am not looking for a husband here on campus. Sick! But it is funny to watch all the freshmen boys and girls give hints that they like each other. It's not so much different from high school after all. Everyone is oblivious to the fact that this whole marriage thing might be consuming more of their time than is healthy. Even the girls in my group talk a lot about it, but we have discussed that talking in moderation and keeping God the focus is the key. God will do his will, in his time, with his people. Why does it seem like all of a sudden that marriage isn't such a farfetched idea? In high school, I felt like I was SO FAR away from even finding a husband, and then I get here and all of a sudden this want to get married kicks in. It's kinda weird. But I know that this is an area of my life that I will have to give to God just like so many other things. God is in control, and I am not (as much as I would sometimes like to be). And in his precious time, the day will come about, but until then I will wait. I will wait for months, for years, and even for decades if that so is God's plan (As much as I would not prefer the last one). Want does not equal need, and right now I need to place my feet, focus my eyes, and get comfortable because the road ahead is about to start flying by. In everything, I need to remember who is in charge and have faith that he knows what he's doing. He always does.

Beautiful, Fast, And Fleeting

Words that describe our life here on this earth. As I lay here on my dorm room bed, trying to go to sleep I was thinking and praying. And as I prayed, I thanked the Lord for specific people. "Thank you, God, for Fallon, who is the light of my heart. Thank you for my mom who has loved me through everything. And thank you for Adam, who's been a rock in my waterfall of emotion." And as I prayed that, I thought about waterfalls. And how our life is very similar to a waterfall. From a distance it is beautiful. One of the most glorious things that the eyes can see. It is full of color and life and serenity. When you approach the edge, things can get a bit scary and loud. There's so much noise, so many distractions, and one wrong placing of your foot could cause you to fall right off the edge. And when you get caught in the rapids, it's really hard to make your way back to the safe, happy place. And it can be scary losing your footing and flowing downstream. But God brings people who are our "rocks in the waterfall" into our lives. They are the ones who stick around, the ones who love you even when you've lost your way, even when you've gone downstream with no signs of stopping, even when you're broken, and scared and trying to pretend that everything is alright. They are there. God is our rock, but He also knows that we need people too, so He brings us people who will stick around and love us. Who let us yell at them to let off steam, who just hug us tight when we cry into their once clean shirts, and who make us laugh the most obnoxious and often ugly laughs that there ever was. He knows that although He is here to love us and spend time with us, that we need companionship. We need the support of the people around us. We need love. And He is a good God. He gives us wht we need. So, even when the waters get choppy, we have those people that just won't let us go. They can become our connection to God when we feel that He's far from us. They can show us that EVEN when everything is going wrong, God is STILL GOOD. And He always will be. Thank goodness, because we surely can't love like He does. Our time here on earth is just that, a time, and it's fleeting, but we can make a difference here. We can be the change that we wish to see in this world. Waterfalls are constantly changing the rock and the shorts that they encounter. Moving, molding, and wearing the rocks. Remember the waterfalls, and be a waterfall for Christ.

Ah, College!

Okay, I know I haven't updated this in a while, and I am sorry for that, but I'm doing it now! Okay, so I have been at college for a little over a week now. And trust me, it's not this big party that most people make college out to be. I have been up to my neck in studying, staying up late to finish work, and getting up early to get to class on time. So let's start from day one, mom and mark drove down with me and we got everything all settled into my bedroom, met my roommate, and got to browse the campus and the town. It was going well so far, kinda felt like a dream, but no tears had yet been shed, so everyone was good. We ate our meals together and at the end of the day, they went to their hotel, and I went to my dorm to spend my first night with a roommate. My lovely parents left the next day around 3 or so, and walking away from our car knowing that I wouldn't see them for a while sucked. I held it together pretty well, I cried a little bit, but I knew that in a few short days I would be re-united with several of my very favorite people, so I knew that I could hold on. When Fallon, Adam, Grace, and Anna showed up at my dorm my day was made! I was so excited to see them and spend my entire day with them. When they were about to leave for what seemed like the "final time", Fallon burst into tears and I quickly followed. I knew it would be harder this time. I knew that this time, we would have a span of time apart that we had never known before. And it hurt. Really bad. All the girls were crying in the lobby, trying to get it together. And when I hugged them all goodbye and walked them to their car, I didn't want them to leave. I couldn't hardly say goodbye. The walk back to my dorm this time was a long one. I didn't want to look back, and risk making their last image of me crying my eyes out as they drove away. I went to my room to cry in peace, and stayed there for quite some time after they left. I was texting Fallon as they were driving away, and I had put a special note into each of their bags for them to find when they left. The days following their departure were the hardest days I had to face. It is still hard when I think of them and my parents, and all the people that I seemingly "left behind". But everyday God makes it easier, makes me stronger, and helps me to grow in Him. God has brought me the most incredible group of girls, and without them, there's no way I would be able to handle being so far away from the ones that I love most. God knew just what I needed when I came here. He knew that I needed people that I could call my family. He knew I needed someone just like Marcy, who has some of the same loneliness that I do, and constantly amazes me with the pictures that she takes. He knew I would need Lindsay, who almost kills us everytime she drives, but keeps us constantly entertained. He knew that I would need Rachel, who laughs at everything, just like I do, even when it's not that funny. He knew I would need a family here. A group of girls who would help me to grow in my faith and help me lay my burden's at my Makers feet. God provides. He really does. Even when we feel like we've made a mistake in leaving our families 2.5 hours away. Even when we question our choices. Even when we are broken on our bed, crying out to God to bring them back. God knows. God loves. And God provides. He even provides skype ;) What a great God we serve. That He would see to the depths of my heart and pain, and heal all that is broken. I still get lonesome for you guys, every day, but I know that God will get us through and that I have a family here too when I leave.

Separate, Set Apart, Holy

Okay, so I haven't blogged in a long time, but I've had a lot of stuff
on my mind to blog about.
The first of many is this. Holy.
I love that word. For some reason whenever I hear that my God is a
holy God, I smile. I just think that holy is one of the very best
words to describe him. It means set apart, different. And that meaning
pretty much captures God. He is like us, but so much different. We
were made in His image, yet there is no way that we could ever wrap
our minds around His majesty. His love for us is different, separate, holy. His forgiveness for us is different, separate, holy. God is different, set apart, holy.

And the crazy thing about this word,

holy, is that it's the only word used 3 times in a row to describe our
God. Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty. In the bible, when
something is mentioned twice, you are supposed to be paying attention,
but when something is said 3 times it must be really important. And
holy is the one word repeated 3 times to describe our Loving Father.
He is different, set apart from anything or anyone that we've ever
seen before. But when Sunday rolls around how many of us are thinking,
"My God is a HOLY God!" I know for me, I would always sing the songs
without really thinking about what they meant, or read the words on
the screen not thinking that the God I serve is different. Holy. He is
so awesome and indescribable and we just say holy, holy, holy, as if it
means nothing. But when we dig into what the Bible says and what it
means, the only thing we can do is worship our God more, love Him
deeper, and serve Him better. After all he is a Holy God. Holy.
Separate. Set apart. Different. Holy.