I want to be the Savior.

Something that has been pressing on my heart for a long time is this temptation to try to end all the most heinous crimes against humanity. Now. Right now.

I'm not saying that I shouldn't want these terrible things to be ended. But the temptation I have faced as of late is fighting to urge to believe that I, in my own strength, am somehow capable of making that happen. 

How I, without the help and input of my God, can put an abrupt end to the atrocity of the Human Sex Slave industry that we are fighting.

How I, without the prayers and groanings of my soul and of the Holy Spirit on my behalf, can convince the world that, "No, it is NEVER okay to murder your child. Within the womb or without. Never, for any reason, is abortion justified." 

How I, without Christ's bearing all the weight of sin and shame, can do ANYTHING to make this world even one breath better. 

I am my own idol. 

I want to save the world. 

I want to be the Savior. 

But I can't. I could never. I'm not strong enough. And when given the chance to take a breath and really think on it, I don't want to be my own Savior. Or yours. I am so broken. I am so sinful. I am nothing without Christ's redeeming work in my life. 

And neither are you. 

God is so good and so kind to us that He made a way for us to once again have Eden. To once again walk with Him. To once again be able to come to Him and receive abounding love and mercy. 

I want sex trafficking to be snuffed out. Now. 

I want abortion to be seen by all, with clarity, for the Holocaust that it is. Now. 

I want marriages to be holy representations of Christ and His steadfast, devoted love for His Church. Now. 

I want all children to be safe and secure in their parent's love. Now. 

I want pornography to be banned and condemned. Now. 

I don't want to wait for God's timing in these things. I somehow think that I know better. I would end all these wicked acts today if I could. But I cannot. 

I don't want to wait a little while longer so that the world, individuals, can come to a place of understanding and repentance for the murders that we have allowed to happen on our watch. 

I don't want to wait while more children, precious babies with inherent value, are sacrificed on the altar of a woman's right to choose. On the bogus claim that this is somehow women's healthcare. 

It makes my heart ache to think of any mother being able to lay down the life of her child in this way. It has always been this way for me, but after having two children of my own, it is an unbearable thought. 

But God. 

He is the one who changes hearts.

He is the one who is doing a good work in so many doctors and abortionists hearts. 

He is the one who brings the darkness to the light. 

He is the one who is already doing just that. 

He is the one who brings redemption and wholeness to the ugliest sins. 

He is the one who is strong enough to heal the hearts of women who have given up their children from fear or pain or force or selfishness. 

He is the one who can change the hearts of pimps who use and abuse the women under their "care."

He is the one who can find the most broken, scared, wretched sinner and call him into His family. 

He is the one. 

Not me. 

And praying is not the least I can do. It is the most tremendous thing I can do to end these crimes. Because God answers the prayers of His children.

He is faithful. He will surely do it. 

The Adventures of Emerson and Adaline

Day to day life as a stay-at-home mom is such a joy. I remember being in college and thinking that there was no way I would want to stay at home all day with my kids. I remember how, even before I had them, I was counting down the days until Adam and I would be alone in our home again. But now? Oh, how things have changed.

Motherhood is one of the greatest joys that a woman can experience and I thank God every day for the joy He has brought into my life by these two beautiful children. This life that He has gifted me with is full of beauty, laughter, and sunshine.

But things are not always so rosy. I am one who tends to look back on the past through rose colored glasses (thank you, Lord!), but just the other night I was faced with the temptations of the enemy to despair.

Life as a stay-at-home mom is complex. There is work to be done. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, preparing meals, running errands, yard work, the list goes on and on. These things can be very satisfying to do, tangible reminders that I AM indeed working and not just lazing about. But there is also a greater work to be done than keeping house and making sure every single thing has a place in my Marie Kondo aspiring home.

And that work is to raise up my children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6).

That is a hard work.

It means that even though I am THIS CLOSE to finishing that sewing project I've had on my table for months, I need to stop, get down on his level, and really listen to what my son wants to share with me.

It means that even though I really wanted a nap, needed it even, I put aside the blanket and grab my Bible because I need Jesus more.

It means that sometimes dinner won't be on the table when my husband gets home from his long day of working doing a ministry of his own.

 It means that my floors will often be smattered with mud tracked in from puddle jumping, leaves and sticks that were gathered on our walks, and some indiscernible food that one or both of the children threw or left behind after snacking.

It means that I need to make it my priority to teach them about Jesus, because the world will do all that it can to lead them away from Him. 

It means teaching them how to love others by being an example of loving others. By stopping to chat with seniors in the grocery store who are fawning over my babies. By volunteering together. By sacrificially loving those around us and inviting people regularly into our home to share this life with us. By keeping our circle of friends open to whoever might hope to join and have a family.

It means that some days will be full of heartache and wondering if I'm a bad mom because corrective discipline is painful and today it feels like we did nothing but correct and discipline and start again. But God has given me to be their mother and commanded me to teach them obedience. He doesn't call us to discipline our children because He hates them or because we should, but BECAUSE we love them, we must discipline them. It is so dangerous to disobey the Lord, and by disobeying their parents, our children are defying God. It is our job to help them learn how to love God and obey what He commands. (Hebrews 12:4-13)

It means that some nights I will get little sleep because my boy fell out of bed and needing comforting because he got afraid of shadows in the dark. And then my girl woke up right as I fell back to sleep because, why not?

It means whispered conversations with my love after the kids go to bed, so we can catch up (but also so the kids can keep sleeping!)

It means putting my husband before my (very needy) children so that they have a correct view of marriage and family and God.

It means tremendous joy and celebration.

And some days the enemy will try to convince you, just as he tried to convince me, that you are not equipped for this work as a mother. You are failing. Your kids would be better off with someone else as their Mama. He will try to convince you that this season of disciplinary issues with your child is the sum total of your relationship with him. He will whisper that because you didn't do as many "fun" things today as you'd hoped that you are damaging your child. He will do all that he can to make you question and fear and despair.

But Satan is the father of LIES and our own hearts cannot be trusted (Jeremiah 17:9).

So when you feel paralyzed by the fears of this world. Lean on your Father who has overcome the world (John 16:33).

This world is broken, but this life is truly only just the beginning. Eternity with our Father is where our story really begins. Let us run this race with endurance and raise up our children to run beside us, enduring to the end and to our new beginning (Hebrews 12:1-3).

The Adventures of Mr. and Mrs. Lang - Updated and With Pictures

     I did promise, didn't I, that I would write about the joys of married life? Well, I am here today to keep that promise. I know I got a little carried away writing about the wedding day, but if you can believe it, married LIFE is so much better than a wedding day. Most of you know Adam and realize what a wonderful man he is and many of you may even be jealous that your own daughter wasn't able to end up with such an incredible man. To that, I say, 'I'm sorry...but I wouldn't change it for the world and he is all mine now for forever, so find another man.'

     We have been married for almost 9 months now, and I wouldn't change a thing. We live in a beautiful and perfect-sized one bedroom apartment (with a view) about a minute's walk away from Union University where Adam is finishing up school. The view is a small patch of trees, but hey, it's way better than the parking lot facing apartments.

     Part of me never wants to leave this apartment, because it is OUR home. Our first home together. We have so many memories here. I never thought moving so far from Kansas City could be so easy, but being with the love of my life and best friend made our transition to full-time life in Jackson, TN fluid. Married life definitely has it's struggles and if we weren't followers of Christ, I'm sure our struggles could cause some vast rifts in our relationship, but thankfully we have a redeeming Father who teaches us the meaning of unconditional love.

      In spite of any conflicts that may arise, marriage is the most Beautiful thing that I have ever had the pleasure of being a part of. Seeing Adam daily develop into the man that God specifically created him to be brings deep joy to my soul. Standing beside him and walking through life with him has been the most wonderful adventure a girl could ask for. Seeing him love me through all my selfishness, emotional breakdowns, and my sinful nature is the most Beautiful love story of all. If I was perfect and he was perfect, it would make sense for us to love each other.

But I am imperfect.
I am broken.
I fall into old habits of anger and impulsiveness and control and fear.

And he is imperfect.
He is broken.
He falls into old habits, too.

We are broken.
Together.

We are works in progress.
Together.

We are daily being sanctified by our gracious Lord.
Together.

     And through it all, we don't go about loving each other by pointing the finger and blaming each other for the ways they fall short. We love each other. We respect each other. As unconditionally as we can through God's grace. We are more than aware of the ways we fall short, disappoint, and hurt one another. We understand more clearly than anyone else could that we are selfish and depraved. And through the selfishness and through the brokenness, we find hope in our Savior.

     Through all the junk, we can see who the other person was created to be. We can look through the mess and see the message that God has written on their hearts. We can look each other in the eyes. We can wrap each other in a hug. And we can say, "This isn't who you are. I know you. You are ___."

You are a child of the one true God.

You are redeemed and you do not have to return to your sin.

You are worthy of my love and respect and affection, even if you aren't acting lovable or respectable.

You are strong.

You are gentle.

You are an excellent leader for this family and I trust you.

You are a wonderful helper.

You are brave.

You aren’t who you used to be.

You aren’t your sins.

You are worth it.


No matter what happens. This, you and me, is worth it all.


If we have to have conflict every day for the rest of our lives, it was worth it.

If one of us dies tomorrow, it was worth it.

If we can never have kids, it was worth it.

If we never get into the career we wanted, it was worth it.

If all of our hopes and dreams are crushed, it was worth it.

     No matter what. I am sticking with you and you are sticking with me, through it all. No matter how bad it gets. No matter what obstacles are put in our way. We will conquer them together. Because we choose to. We choose to now, in moments of calm. And we choose to every day, in moments of frustration, hurt, sorrow, joy, and in every other type of moment that life throws our way.

     Lots of things have happened since Adam and I got married. We have travelled the “world” at least in part. Starting with our honeymoon to Alaska, followed shortly by a 10 day trip to New York City. In the past year, we’ve travelled far and wide. I was in Jamaica, Adam’s been to New York twice, we road tripped to South Carolina, spend most of our days in Tennessee (going to Memphis and Nashville when Jackson gets boring), and of course we travel to Kansas and Missouri for very important reasons ;) And soon, we will be in Arkansas for a wedding and we’ll jet up to Michigan this summer for another.

    We have had all sorts of fun adventures together and more deep conversations than I could ever recount. We have begun laying the foundation for our marriage to be happy and healthy for years to come. We believe that God created our loves to be in a particular order.

We are called first to love God. He is the primary love.

Then, if one is married, they are called to love their spouse second.

     This actually goes against the way that many Christians feel. But it is Scripturally clear that your husband or wife is supposed to take priority over your children. Some may not like to hear that, but it is true, and if your marriage isn’t founded on Christ and your loves are not in order, then your children will feel the weight of that. It is important for children to see that their parents love each other and take care of each other and for them to know that they cannot pit their parents against each other. And if they do, and the parents find out about it, consequences are a comin’.

We are called to then love our children.

Followed by other family, friends, etc.

     It is our desire to start preparing ourselves in such a way that our loves are in order before we add children to the mix so they can come into an already healthy family. Adam and I consider children a great joy and we are excited to see what God has in store for us in the future regarding having our own children, adopting, or even fostering if God calls us to that.

     Adam has one semester left of college before graduating Union University with his Bachelors in Biology with minors in Chemistry and Christian Ministry & Missions. He graduates in just a few short months! God has blessed us with a job for Adam at the AG Center in midtown and has also opened the door for him to be a part of the seminary internship through our church beginning next fall. We will be staying in Jackson until at least next summer because of this and we are thrilled to do that.  

     God has blessed us overmuch with a wonderful job and family to work with. I nanny full time for a family in town with a newborn. I have worked with him from day 1 and it has been a wonderful job and I love every minute of it. It is also such wonderful preparation for the day when I too may be a mother.

     Jackson, TN is technically a rainforest. So, we’ve grown to love the rain. It’s here often, but it’s not fun when it’s cold outside already. Wet and cold aren't a good combo. We also have awesome neighbors in our apartment complex.

     Next door we have a Muslim family. Amani and her husband are both 20 and they have been married for a couple of years now. They are from Yemen and I guess I always thought that Muslim girls must be so different from other girls, but when she comes over to my house for tea or we meet at her place for coffee, we talk and laugh, use sarcasm and take care of each other. Our conversations are usually slow going because, though she can speak English, Arabic is her first language and I talk fast. So, we slow down, ask a lot of questions of each other, and share our stories and what we believe with one another. Amani is a stay-at-home wife and she loves baking. She is great at it too, and she often brings me (not Adam, just me) baked goods, soups, and chicken and rice that she has made. She’s cool with Adam eating it, but she does not ever for any reason interact with Adam. She’s wonderful and it’s been a pleasure to get to know her and be a friend to her as she is very, very far from her home. And we found our recently that she is pregnant and will be having her baby this year! 

     We also have an elderly lady downstairs named Gael. She is sweet and wonderful and did not have any friends in the apartment complex until she met me. I have loved getting to know her. She gets lonely and depressed from being alone and not feeling useful anymore, but we are good friends who seek to take care of each other and visit with one another as often as we can. We like to sit outside and drink coffee in the summer and try to get out in the sun in the winter months when depression is looming. She texts me often, fondly calling me “Angel Butt” and “My girl.” It’s like having a grandma of my own right downstairs. She also recently taught me how to knit, intends to teach me how to sew, and I in turn will be teaching her how to scrapbook! 

     Many of our friends live in the apartment complex that we live in, so it is easy for us to have some of our closest friends over each Tuesday night for dinner and hanging out. And we have a wonderful, healthy, and missions oriented church full of people who love us, take care of us and seek our good. We have a wonderful family here, even though none of our biological family lives in this state. God has blessed us overmuch with people who will check up on us, ask us how we are really doing, and keep pointing us to Christ at all times.

     I couldn’t have asked for a better husband and there is no one on this planet that I would rather spend the rest of my days with. Life is good. God is better.

   


   

Langs in Love - Part 2

    So, let's be honest...this is a continuation of my previous post about marriage life, but I haven't gotten through telling you about the wedding day...so I'm gonna keep talking about that perfect day until I'm done and then I'll really catch you up to speed on how our marriage is going since. 

    Those flutters in my chest that I was telling you about? Yeah. They didn't go away. The girls and I got to the church behind our wedding gazebo and I was so nervous that Adam would catch a glimpse of me across the park. I was so anxious to see him. I was so excited to be his wife. We took pictures together, being goofy and having some light hearted moments together before the ceremony. 

    The moments drew closer to the time when I would get to see my soon-to-be husband. We did some last minute hair fixes, make-up touch ups, and (let's be real here) a bathroom break (nobody wants to be at the altar thinking about how they should have gone before they got up there). 

     My aunts were in the room with us and my two Beautiful flower girls taking pictures and reminiscing about old times. Maybe even a few tears were shed. These are women who grew up babysitting me, after all, and here I am getting married and having their babies in MY wedding. I have never been more unexplainably excited in my entire life. There are not words enough to explain how I felt in those few moments before meeting my husband at the altar. 

     Whew. Honestly, just thinking about all of this is getting my heart going again. 

     Pictures before the wedding were done. Decorations were in place. Guests had arrived and were being seated. My heart was racing. Breathing became weirdly difficult. It was slightly cool outside which was perfect because the flurry of emotions that I was feeling (all good) were likely to make me pass out before I could even walk down the aisle. 

     Seriously though. If I keep re-living this, I'm bound to pass out because my heart is racing and my breathing is becoming more short just thinking about that climactic moment. 

     I was hidden from the view of everyone. I could hear people. Even see them around the corner when I peeked. My Uncle Landon rounded the corner (much to my surprise!) and I was overjoyed that he was able to come to this incredible day! I knew he should not have been able to make it, but he was here! Oh, my heart! It was like a piece of my Dad was with me, even though he couldn't be. 

     Riley Welch rounded the corner next with a love letter from my splendid man. 

     "Trying to make me cry before the wedding, eh? Well, you got me. Darn, you perfect husband, knowing how to sweet talk me and make me tear up. You know I don't wear make-up, how do I keep this from smearing?!"

     My girls were with me, and then suddenly, so was my Dad. Mark came around the corner and I got to tell him how nervous I was getting. How thankful I was that I didn't have to walk down that aisle all by myself. Begging him to keep me upright and not let me fall down or slip up and embarrass myself. His words of comfort will always be a treasure to me. 

     "I'm getting so nervous!"

     "Why? Haha, This is the moment you have been waiting for, for years, Jenna."

     "I know!"

     *Breathe. Just breathe. Just one breath at a time. Oh. My. Gosh. Is it starting?! Are people walking down the aisle yet? It's just been Mark and I for a while now...oh my gosh, is it our turn to walk down now? Woah. That came so fast!! Did you know it was going so fast?! You did! And you didn't tell me?! Whew. That was probably the best choice, I am so nervous! I am so excited!!!! Everyone is going to be looking at me! Thank God, you're walking with me. Whew. I think I might pass out. I'm not going to pass out. I'm going to marry Adam Lang if it's the last thing I do. Oh! We're walking now? Like right now? Oh my goodness. I'm going to throw up I'm so excited. What? That's disgusting. I'm not going to do that. But my body feels so weird and unlike it's ever felt before. Get it together, Reynolds. (Soon to be Lang). Oh yeah! I'm gonna be Jenna Lang in like 5 minutes. Oh yeah, Breathe!*

     Oh. My. Goodness. What is life that Jenna Reynolds is getting married? I know, I thought the same thing. I'm only like 10 right? I'm not adult enough to be married. Right?! Oh. Yes, I am! :) 

     The walk from where I was to where he stood was so long, but if I'm being perfectly honest...I remember almost none of it. I told Adam not to look until Pastor Tom gave him the go ahead when we were close enough to each other that I could see him too. 

     I got to end of those chairs and saw my best friend turn and look at me. 

     What a moment. 

     All the nervousness. 

     All the fear. 

     All the heart palpitations. 

     All the shortness of breath.

     All the stress of the day. 

     All the desiring to look and be perfect for him. 

     They were gone in an instant. 

     I saw Adam Lang standing at the end of that aisle, and I knew. 

     I knew this was the man God created for me. 

     I knew that this was the man that I wanted by my side as long as we both shall live. 

     I knew that this man was more capable than any other person on this planet to grow me, shape     me, and sharpen me into the woman of God that God has created me to be. 

     I knew that there was no other man on this planet who I could submit to. 

     I knew that there was no one I would rather have as the father of my children. 

     As the leader of our home. 

     As the one who will give an account to God on behalf of our family. 

     As my best friend. 

     As my husband. 

     Any worry or fear or anxious thought disappeared. 

     And I walked to him. 

     Arm in arm with the man who raised me. 

     I walked to him. 

     With the biggest, goofiest grin on my face as he smiled lovingly back at me. 

     I walked to him.

     I didn't even see the many people who had come to support us. 

     I walked to him. 

     And it was like no one in the world existed, but him. 

     My heart was overflowing with peace, joy, and sheer bliss. 

     My Dad blessed my marriage. Something I so deeply longed for. He gave me away to a man that he believed would take care of me and protect me like he had. He did it with tears in his eyes. And when I saw him give me away. When he put my hands in Adam's, I'm surprised I didn't lose it myself. 

     The tears came. God must love me because they came, but in the most feminine and Beautiful way that they could. I didn't ugly cry...thank you, Jesus. But I could not get those tears to stop. One by one, they made their way down my face as I looked into the eyes of my best friend. Seeing Joshua in the background was a great encouragement to me as well. Few saw my tears that day, but those who did are ones that I deeply respect and treasure and they are ones who encouraged me without words and strengthened me in that moment. 

     The tears had to stop when I started getting a runny nose. 

     No sirrie. 

     Not today. 

     But I gotta tell you, it wasn't easy to stop those tears. Tears of joy don't come to me often. But the time that I can point to with certainty was the day Adam asked me to be his. And the day he fulfilled that promise by making a covenant with me to love me forever. Those are days that are more filled with joy than any others that I can imagine. 

     I know that many say that your wedding day moves ever so quickly, so I was sure to slow down and be totally present. I remember everything like it was yesterday (pretty near it, just 4 months) but it is Beautiful in my mind and there is nothing I would change about that day (after arriving at the park at least, I would change my attitude and weird lashing out at my closest family before the ceremony)

 

     Before we locked in our decision to say our vows as the church typically does, I wanted to make our own vows. I wanted ours to be special. Unique. But after taking Church History class as a senior, it was brought to my attention that tradition is in place for a reason. The stereotypical vows should not be dismissed because they are boring and old. They should be examined,  understood, and if then found wanting updated or replaced if we so choose. However, when I looked at what those vows of covenant said, I realized that those words carry so much weight. 

     "I take you." 

     And only you. Jenna Reynolds. Adam Lang. For all of my days. This phrase, "I take you," is not one to be taken lightly. It is a symbol of your commitment to that individual. You CHOOSE that person. And not just for that one, magical day either. 

     I take you, Adam Lang. Today. 

     I take you, Adam Lang. Tomorrow. 

     I take you, Adam Lang. Everyday. 

     "To be my lawfully wedded husband (wife)." 

     In the eyes of the government. In the eyes of God. We are lawfully one. We will spend our days together. We will be married to no other. This is a blessed and holy matrimony. My one. My only. My supporter. My protector. My counselor. My best friend. The one who I will become one with. 

     "To have and to hold." 

     This means that I will only find my comfort in you. I won't go running to my parents for their wisdom and comfort before I come to you. I won't put our children in the place that is sacred and holy and meant only for you. I take you to be the one who I have as my own. I take you as the one that I will hold all through my life. I take you as the one who I will share the ultimate level of intimacy with. No one else can or will ever be as close to me as you. And no one else can or ever will be as close to you as I. 

     "From this day forward." 

     No matter what past we have come from. Be it brokenness. Adultery. Fornication. Fear. Anger. Joy. Peace. Faithfulness. Trustworthiness. No matter where you come from, from here on out, you go with him. The past is the past. We move forward together. We move forward as one. And, as the wife, I will trust and follow the leading of my husband. He is the one accountable to God for himself, for me, and for our family, and I will be happy to submit to him because I know the depths of his being and I know that he can be trusted to lead us well. 

     "For better or for worse." 

     That means, like you dreamed for as long as you can remember, when you ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after being ever bettered by your new spouse. But it also means that if everything goes to pot, he wasn't quite the gem you'd hoped he was after 3 years of dating, he's lazy and unhelpful, selfish, rude, ugly, and mean, you're sticking with him. 

     "For richer AND for poorer." 

     That means when you have all that you need, a nice house, nice clothes, and good food for every meal. But it also means that if you get robbed blind, have your identity stolen, lose your job and cannot find another, and never financially recover or "make it," you are sticking with them.

     "In sickness AND in health."

     That means when times are good and we have all the health in the world. But it also means that if, 3 minutes after you say "I do" and sign that marriage license, your spouse discovers that they have an incurable cancer, they go into a coma for the next 30 years, or they have an accident on the way to the reception and are mentally handicapped for the rest of their life, you are sticking with them. 

     "Til death do us part." Or "As long as we both shall live." 

     This is a life long commitment one is entering into. This means I won't run away when things get scary. When old fears enter in. I'm sticking with you. When anger takes hold. I'm sticking with you. When the money runs out. When sickness strikes. When death takes it toll. I'm sticking with you. When I don't feel like sticking with you. I'm sticking with you. When I feel like giving up. I'm sticking with you. Nothing. NOTHING. Can tear me apart from you. I won't let it. I'm sticking with you, Adam Lang. Period. You weren't getting rid of me when I was a ridiculous and broken 17 year old, even though they all said high school sweethearts never last. You weren't getting rid of me when I went off to college, even though everyone said long distance never works. You weren't getting rid of me when you went to a college 7 hours from me, even when all the high school sweetheart, long distance relationships were falling down around us. You weren't getting rid of me when you spent a summer in New York church planting. You weren't getting rid of me when I spent 2 months in Jamaica loving on orphans. And you sure as heck aren't getting rid of me now. No matter what we've been through, what we are going through, and where our future leads. I'm sticking with you, Adam Lang. And I know you're sticking with me. Even when I told you again and again that we would never be a thing, you remained faithful to me. How much more can I trust your words now, after 7 years? 

     This marriage that we (and maybe you) are entering into is not a simple thing. You are entering into a covenant relationship with someone else for the rest of your days. With divorce rates being incredibly high, I know there are some of you who are waiting for the other foot to drop in my marriage and probably in every marriage that you see around you. 

     Adam and I don't think we are perfect. Well...I think He's perfect. And he think's I'm perfect. But we don't have any false perceptions of who we are personally. 

     I am a wretched human being. On my own, without Christ, I am nasty. Ugly. Unloveable. Irredeemable. Selfish. Mean. Hurt. Angry. Bitter. Resentful. Judgmental. Vain. Rude. Sarcastic. Impatient. Fearful. Wicked. 

     Without Christ, my marriage with Adam would be destined to fail. A relationship, a life, not centered on Christ is one that is bound to let you down. 

     Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying becoming a Christian makes your life a cake-walk. Christ calls His people to come and die. He calls us to carry the cross that He carried. He doesn't tell us that life would be easy. But with Him, I promise you, it's worth it. 

     Living a life as THE Mrs. Adam Lang has been Beautiful. More Beautiful than anything I could ever have imagined. Being THE Mrs. Adam Lang has been incredibly fulfilling, satisfying, wonderful, and greater than my wildest dreams. And trust me, I imagined it would be perfect. It's better than that. It's messy. It's emotional. It's fantastic. It's up's and down's. Perfect communication. Miscommunication. Walking closer to Christ together. Deepening our own faith and the faith of the other. It's Beautiful. And it's a Beautiful life. All of the little imperfections simply add to the joy and Beauty of it all, as we see Christ made more perfect in one another and in ourselves. I couldn't have asked for a better love story. And you know what the crazy thing is? Christ loves us more than we could ever fathom loving one another. I don't get it. I love Adam more than I ever imagined one person could love another. And he loves me more than he ever imagined one person could love another. And it's just a grain of sand compared to the love of the Father. Praise God for that. I know the love of God more perfectly because of my husband. I know the love of God more deeply because of Adam. And I pray that Adam and I can be a light for Christ all the days of our life. 

Langs in Love - Part 1

Hey all, 

     

     It has been a little over four months being Mrs. Jenna Lang and I'm sure some of you have been wondering how we are doing. I meant to write updates like this one sooner and I did write one but then never posted it because we do not have wifi at the Lang home. So, let me begin. Adam and I got married (finally) on May 22, 2015. Yes! Oh my goodness, I cannot explain to you the rollercoaster of emotions that went on that day. 

     - Joy, lots of joy. 

     - But also frustration (having all the attention on you is surprisingly stressful and undesired for an introvert like me)

     - And repentance (to your sister for that unexpected outburst you had with her and to your mom for being a bit of a frazzled bridezilla at points during those last couple of hours when you were tired of not being married and ready to just elope already because what is the point of all this stress that we've been going through the past 5 months?!). 

     - There's also the nervousness of not knowing how your hair will look (it's usually always just down straight...oh my goodness if it's not down straight I won't even look like myself in the pictures! An updo? Are you serious? What if it makes me look like I have too skinny of a head...No. My hair must be down.) 

     - Or how your makeup will look (but...I don't wear makeup. I should wear makeup. Right? Maybe I shouldn't. Oh gosh. He won't recognize me if I wear it! But if I don't then I won't be fancy enough for the wedding. Okay...but only a little bit of makeup. Seriously Fallon. Don't toy with me on this one. You can do my makeup. But only a little bit. Natural. Make it look like I'm not wearing makeup. I shouldn't have done this. Yes, I should have. Everything is fine. Stop panicking.)

     - Annoyance with the fact that you've spent all day girling yourself up when you just want to be married already. (Why did we choose 5 pm again? Oh because the pictures would be good for lighting? Psh. Who even cares about lighting? Or pictures? Or weddings for that matter? Can I be married now? Please??)

     - Feeling like a jerk (because, oh crap...I forgot to invite so and so...and I'm being kind of a brat right now because the fact that I'm getting married is now so close that it is unbearable. And where were you? We were supposed to be taking pictures right now, but I'm all grouchy and stuff.)

     - But mostly joy. People talk about cold feet and if my feet were cold at all it was not because I had any hesitations about marrying this man that I now call my husband. It was because the day was a little bit cloudy (perfect for pictures might I add) and I had open toed shoes. My heart was fluttering inside of my chest more and more as the time drew near to my marrying Adam. I have never experienced that feeling before this moment. My heart and soul longed after Adam. I was in anguish over not being able to be his wife right in that moment. The day of our wedding was one of the longest days of my life. It seemed to drag on for eternity. I have never been more ready for anything in all of my days. Saying "I do" could not come fast enough. 

     For those who don't know, Adam and I had the Beautiful gift of seeing one another before the wedding ceremony. Some traditions frown upon that, but it was one of the highlights of my day. Getting picked up by my fancy fiancé after getting my nails done and grabbing a coffee with him did wonders for my soul. As I sat across from this handsome and wonderful man (who I am happily sitting in front of this very moment) my heart leapt for joy. God has blessed me overmuch. There is no one with whom I can imagine spending my life with outside of Adam Lang. We sat and talked and prayed together in that coffee shop, exchanged gifts and hugs, and parted ways until we would meet again at the altar in a few short hours. That coffee date with my husband was a Beautiful moment that I will treasure in my heart forever. 

     I got to go home to a house full of women who love me and who dedicated an incredible amount of time into making this day Beautiful and as stress free as possible. We did last minute wedding things. I wrote letters to my Mom and to Adam. We figured out how to do my hair (having never tried it or deciding n a style for sure until that moment which was slightly terrifying for the girl who only knows how to put her hair in a ponytail). We got lots of lovely pictures from the photographer even though many in that house that day felt run ragged and more ready for a nap than for a wedding. The day was full of excitement, rushing about to get those last minute things done, emotion (good and bad), and we even had some redemption thrown in (when I apologized for my craziness and was able to begin anew with my maid of honor and best friend who so graciously loved me through my weak moment and proceeded to love me through doing my makeup for me).

     I got to have one last sleepover as a Reynolds with my baby sister, confidant, shoulder to cry on, best friend, and maid of honor. I got to fall asleep talking to her like old times, keeping each other up late as we caught up on the other's life, listening to the venting that comes with being best friends with sisters, and laughing our heads off about anything and everything. I got to spend so much time with her and reminisce and fill our hearts with inside jokes and promises to love each other forever and always be there for one another. 

     I got to have so many moments with my Mom as we caught up, finished wedding planning, and soaked up the moments we had that week. I saw how much she did for me and how much she sacrificed and how much she loved even when I was not the most gracious recipient. 

     I got to have one of my dearest friends come in nearly a week early and stay with me, filling me up, having deep conversations, sharing her story with me, and displaying through her gentleness and humility how I ought to act and love the people around me through this Beautiful time of preparation. 

     I got to walk in on one of my best friends on her face before God fervently praying for me and my marriage with Adam. I was edified and uplifted by her gracious words and affirming love and belief in me. 

     I got to see the servant heart of one of my best friends as she sought to love my mother in every way that she could by taking care of little things (that are actually very big things) like washing glasses so she didn't have to and having an ever joyful heart as she poured out herself to all those she met. 

     I got to see the gentleness of one of my best friends as she drove me to the wedding venue, comforting me and offering exhortation as I struggled with the turmoil going on within me that one feels as she comes near to her wedding ceremony. 

     I got to see Jesus all around me through the people I was with. I got to see people sacrificing time, money, and energy to be there with me. I got to snuggle my baby cousin who has always been one of my best friends from the day she was born. I got to laugh with my aunt who grew up babysitting me. I got to dress more Beautifully than I ever have before to present myself as a pure and spotless bride, because of Christ in me, to my groom. I got to take silly pictures and sassy pictures and sentimental pictures. 

     Even in the stressful moments, that day was Beautiful. 

     Even when my sister lost her way when she tried to get back to us and could not for the life of her figure out how to get back to the church directly behind the gazebo she was just at, that day was Beautiful.

 

     Even when I got short with people and regretted my actions wishing I had had better self-control, that day was Beautiful. 

     It wasn't Beautiful because of anything I did, because honestly that day would have been messed up if I had been in charge. It was Beautiful because of Christ. It was Beautiful because this marriage is not centered on Adam and I being good enough for one another. It is not centered on us being perfect examples of Christ's love to one another. The foundation and surety of this marriage does not lay in our hands. It lay in Christ's hands. We dedicate this marriage to Him daily. When we said, "I do," we did not do it in our own power. 

     We are weak.

     We will fail one another. 

     We will let each other down more times than we would ever like. 

     But Christ is faithful  in spite of our shortcomings. He orchestrated this. And I am ever so thankful. 

     I could not have picked a better love story. 

     I could not have chosen a better husband. 

     I could never imagine a love as glorious as this. 

     And yet. 

     This marriage pales in comparison with Christ's love and dedication and marriage to the church. If Adam loves me as much as he says he does, then Christ's love must be enormous. The only reason I can even begin to fathom the love that the Father has for us is because of my marriage relationship to Adam. He has shown me more of who Christ is than all the people on this planet past, present, and future combined. 

     This one man has taught me what love is. 

     He has taught me what faithfulness is.

 

     He has taught me who Christ is.

 

     He has poured his life into me. 

     He has changed me for the good. 

Jamaica Adventures - Post #9

     Hello everyone! I have now been back in the States for a little over a week and man has it been busy here! 

     I have had 2 bridal showers, 2 doctors visits, a sleepover, an opportunity to look at our wedding venue for the ceremony and reception, and I have met with our wedding photographer. 

     I have acquired a marriage license, a bit of a cold, and a wonderful place to live now that I am living in Jackson, TN with a Beautiful family that has welcomed me with open arms. 

     I have been reunited with my best friend (for good this time!) and have started to look for job opportunities in the city that I will be living in for at least the next year. I have had time to reconnect with Adam, catch up on life, and do life together!

     I have nearly finished all of my work for the remainder of my time as a student at Ozark Christian College. I have driven onto the campus that was once my home and not felt sadness because I knew that a good time had come and gone and Ozark was not my home anymore. 

 

     I have texted and called Jamaica interns, pod mothers, and children that I miss dearly, but have not yet cried over. I have been able to see the smiling faces of those that I love who I met for a short time in that Beautiful country and heard their goofy, "Jenna's going to marry ME (not Adam)!" remarks and their, "Who is Jenna???" teasing. 

     I have to admit that though I was a little sad and dust kept getting into my eyes on the drive down the mountain in the back of that pick-up (which made it look like I was getting emotional! Taylor..we both know it really was dust..) and the wind was blowing so hard in my face that actual tears were being forced out of my eyes (Again...Taylor! That really is a thing, right?!), I was happy to come home. 

     Don't get me wrong! I love the Beautiful children, interns, pod mothers, and staff at Robin's Nest, but knowing that I would get to come home and live closer to Adam than I have ever been able to in my life was incredibly exciting! 

     I think it was easier to leave the Nest knowing that I will be back. Like I have said before, in 5 years, I have been to Jamaica 3 times. And! Now I have more connections than I ever did before! 

     I know people in Negril, Whitehouse, and Montego Bay! I have become acquainted with at least 3 children's homes in Jamaica and I have every intention (if God allows) to be back in Jamaica soon. Maybe not long term right now, and maybe never long term, but I will be back. I have promises to keep. 

     The kids absolutely MUST meet Adam. They've practically demanded it! They have to see my ring..my wedding pictures..living proof that Adam is real (for those older boys who think that I am somehow still on the market even though I am 13 years older than them and engaged!)

     I know that I have the freedom and ability to see the interns again when they return to America. I am not worried about our friendship remaining if we are active in maintaining it. 

     There are pod mothers that I may lose touch with, but many of them are friends of mine on facebook or whatsapp and some of them I keep in contact with on a fairly regular basis. 

     I have come to a place in my life where I am able to more readily "roll with the punches" that life brings. Jamaica has somewhat forced me to be more flexible and forgiving with my time. And I know that each new phase of life brings a sort of death along with it. 

     When I graduated from high school and moved on to college, high school Jenna died and would never be the same. With every new life, a death must come. It is good and healthy to grieve that death. Right now, I am no longer "Jenna on a 2 month internship in Jamaica," I am "Jenna preparing to be a wife, settling into a new city, and continuing to walk closer and closer to Christ daily." 

     In times of drastic change or grief, I do not bear the full weight of emotion right away. I think this is a gift that God has blessed me with. He knows full well that I am not able to handle the full weight of my emotions, so oftentimes I am allowed pockets of emotion in the midst of transitions. He decides that I am ready to grieve in the slightest bit, and He gives me just a small dose of emotion so I am able to more readily handle it. 

     I have not yet been given a pocket of emotion from this trip. I am sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that they will come. God is faithful and He has been teaching me how he made me more and more as the years go by. I am understanding how and why He created me and being able to see the Beauty in that creation. 

      Right now, I am only able to see the joy in being able to have had these past 2 months at the Nest and for that I am grateful. God is good. He has taught me much throughout my time in Jamaica, more than I could ever explain in a simple blogpost. 

      Thank you all so much for your support. Thank you for your prayers, your emails, your encouraging words. Thank you for reading. 

      I will continue to post on this blog as I had before my internship, but this is the last blog that will be solely focused on this particular adventure in my life. You are more than welcome to continue reading as I write. I will probably be infrequent now that I am entering a busy and exciting new story, but I will try my best to continue writing what God lays on my heart to share with you all. 

     God is good. His love endures forever. 

Jamaica Adventures - Post #8

     Hello everyone!

     We are coming up on my last week (Tomorrow I have exactly 7 days left here) in Jamaica with these Beautiful kiddos, fabulous pod mothers and cooks, and wonderful staff and interns. It is a bit bittersweet. I have to admit, after being here for over 7 weeks, it feels weird to think that my life will be completely different in just a few short days. The stress of last minute doctor visits, bridal shower after bridal shower, moving from city to city for several days, debriefing from my long internship here, leaving home, making new friends, developing a new church community, finding a job, figuring out more permanent housing as Adam and I near our date of marriage, wedding planning galore, and keeping in touch with those I love all over the world sounds a bit daunting and scary to me. 

     But to be honest. I am ready. 

     I am going to miss Jamaica like none other. I am going to miss the many hugs and kisses I get and give each day. I am going to miss the wonderful pod moms who I have had the privilege of getting to know more deeply. I am going to miss my good friends who have run this race with me. I am going to miss the "no problem" mindset of the Jamaican culture and the easy going pace that this country has. I am going to miss a lot of things and a lot of people, but right now I am not feeling sad about leaving. 

     I am confident that I will be here again. Soon. In 5 years, I have been here 3 times. No matter what I do, I cannot keep from coming back. 

     These kids have stolen my heart.

     And I know that until March 12th, when Marah leaves, I will be able to facetime the kiddos back here. 

     And I know that until March 25th, when Taylor leaves, I will be able to facetime the kiddos back here. 

     And I know that until May 1st, when Tasia and Chyanne leave, I will be able to facetime the kiddos back here. 

 

     After that, it will be harder for true (shout out to Danielle), but God is faithful and I know I will one day be able to return here. When I leave and come back, things will be different. Kids may have come and gone. Relationships will have changed. Kids will have grown. Some may not even remember me. But that's okay. Some very wise words have been told to me. There is a time for everything. 

     For now, I am here. 

     In 8, almost 7 days, I will be in America. 

     After that, who knows? 

     My days are filled with the Joy of the Spirit and I am soaking up the time I have left with the wonderful people that I have grown to love here. I love them now and I will love them forever. 

     The internet has made the world a much smaller place, and as I have been for all of my long distance relationships, I am thankful beyond belief. 

     This is not "Goodbye"...this is "See you later."